Kate Hackett
First dates are awful. Even if they go absolutely swimmingly and you meet the love of your life, they start with all those nerves or trepidations about the entire thing. You’re meeting a stranger you hope you might spend the rest of your life with—it’s weird!
And throw “men can be just horrific” into the mix, you’ve got yourself a wild powder keg.
u/Mannymarlo recently asked the women of Reddit, “What is the most shocking thing you ever found about someone on a 1st date?” and the ladies delivered. Check out some of the best answers below.
1. Nope!
Met online via tinder, talked for a few weeks before eventually meeting up. We had great chemistry over text and I was excited/nervous to finally meet him. Lucky for me, that chemistry transferred well in person! We went on a nice hike and then out to dinner afterwards. I was pretty excited about everything overall.
When we got to the restaurant, however, the hostess asked for his name to put on the waiting list and he gave her a different name than what was on his profile. I asked him why he did that and he said he just likes to do it for fun sometimes (odd, but not an immediate red flag, I’ve had friends give different names for their Starbucks orders, etc.)
Throughout the dinner I was joking with him saying I didn’t believe the name on his profile was his real name, then when the bill came out and he took out his credit card I asked to see it. He showed me, but purposefully hid his last name with his finger. I, still not suspicious at all, jokingly asked him why he was hiding his last name, and to my surprise responded with “I don’t want you to look me up online.” Okay, finally a red flag!
It didn’t take much prodding for him to finally admit that he was currently involved in a lawsuit for getting sexually involved with several minors (he was a basketball coach for a girl’s high school team). He insisted it was only texts and the girls involved started it, one even showed up to his house uninvited, etc. basically saying it was not his fault at all, but obviously I did not believe him.
It was a punch to the gut considering how well things had gone up until that point. I never saw him again, he ended up going to jail for three years and then contacted me when he got out. I responded with a fat “nope!” And never heard from him again 🤷♀️
2. Drugs
More than one guy bragged about their drug use on first dates, entirely unprompted. Glad they did, since I’m not interested in dating an active meth user but man… not sure what vibe I was giving off that year to bring them out.
3. Yam fries
That someone thought it was okay to correct me when I said “I think I’ll have the yam fries.” He gave me a lecture about how I need to be more confident and sure in my selection. Date was over at that point, he just didn’t know it.
4. Doctors
I once went out on a date with a guy who worked at my local grocery store. He came off as very nice, if a bit socially awkward. At some point between appetizers and dinner, he asked me what I had studied in college, which was biology. He proceeded to rant about how he doesn’t “believe in medical science.” Now, I thought that maybe he meant that he’s against Big Pharma or something. No. Upon asking some clarifying questions, I found out that he genuinely meant that he doesn’t think that doctors have any specialized knowledge, hospitals are really just mass crematoriums, and any effects that people have from medicine is because of the placebo effect. This was not even his most absolutely bonkers opinion that he felt it appropriate to lead with on a first date, but this is what tipped me off that I would not be seeing him again.
Naturally, I ghosted him after the date, but I did get a text from him a few weeks later apologizing for being out of contact because he had gotten into a car accident and had been in the hospital. I think I said something like, “Wow, that must’ve been really hard for you, since you don’t believe in medicine.”
5. Bedside manner
That he didn’t want to be empathetic when telling his patients they have cancer, he just wanted to blurt it out. He thought this was hilarious. He was in Yale med school to become an oncologist and was complaining about bedside manners courses.
deleted
6. Kids!
When I was 21, I went on a date with a guy 10 years older than me. We had been texting for about a week and everything seemed fine. When he pulled up to pick me up (not making that mistake again), he had two car seats in the backseat. He immediately informs me that he has two children with two different exes and recently had a vasectomy because he “doesn’t want to pay more child support.” I pointed out that he never mentioned that he had kids when we were texting and he replies with “Well a lot of women are looking for guys without kids and I knew you wouldn’t say yes to a date if I told you.”
The date ended with him insisting that I spend the night at his place and meet both of his kids the very next day. I noped out of that situation very quickly.
7. Run, girl!
That his best friend is the person who is in jail for hitting my best friend with a car. Yes, he knew before the date and didn’t think it was necessary to tell me beforehand. He was offended when I left the restaurant.
8. NO THANKS
Guy told me he wanted to be a human toilet on the first date. Like, wanted me to poop in his mouth. Guess I’m glad we got that out of the way first, I noped right out of there.
9. Starting fights
I once went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice, but as the night went on, he started getting really aggressive and confrontational with strangers we encountered. He would shout at people who bumped into him, and even started a fight with a stranger.
10. Good to … know?
They randomly brought up that they dated their cousin for years, it was super awkward.
11. Domestic violence
Once had a guy admitted he served time for domestic violence and then proceeded to put all the blame on her. I blocked him immediately. I wish I was kidding but seriously, what the eff is wrong with ppl nowadays
12. I can’t fathom this
That he’s a white supremacist. For context, I’m brown >.< in the end it seemed he just wanted to hook up with me but spent the entire date talking about white people being superior to all other races… terrible tactic. Obviously I never spoke to him again lol
13. Goodbyeeeeeee.
He just got out of prison for murdering his wife. He set the house on fire with her in it to collect the insurance money. Both of his parents passed away while he was in prison. So sad. No second date.
14. Yes.
Guy asked me if “I was one of those women’s libbers”. Bye.
15. Cheating
I was talking to a guy on Tinder, and we hit it off pretty well. He seemed like a gentleman, and he was very sweet, very attractive. We decided to meet for a couple of drinks and play pool one evening. He was very charming, and we talked all night and enjoyed ourselves. Everything felt natural, not awkward, and I actually started to like him. Toward the end of the date, he told me that he felt comfortable with me and wanted to take things further, but he had something to confess… He told me, all too casually, that he had just gotten out of prison for kidnapping his daughter and 2 counts of attempted murder for trying to run over the mother with his SUV and for trying to stab his stepfather (in defense, he claimed). Oh, and he was also part of a white supremacy gang, and if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I had a lot of rules I had to follow, a lot of things I had to do in order to be his girlfriend, and I had to be okay with him “fucking whoever else he wanted to fuck”.
Big nope.
16. This one was kind of sweet
I met this cop on bumble. Tall, dark, handsome and kind of mysterious. We chatted for days and video messaged multiple times before going out. We really hit it off, he seemed so normal and cool.
Our first date he tells me that he’s a revolutionary war reinactor and often wears a kilt on and off the battle field 🤣🤣🤣
Ok, ok not as shocking as the other posts. But still surprised me and makes me laugh to this day
17. This gets dark.
1st go at online dating. 1st glance tells me he stole someones picture. Whatever, im here, ill have lunch. We sit down, and he tells me hes not allowed to see his kids, but sometimes his mom lets him when they visit her. Can you guess why??? I knew he had kids, but he never indicated he was not an active part of their lives. Freaking POS.
He molested them. Well, he claimed he didnt, but something significant clearly happened, because judges dont like to take kids away from a parent (yes im aware of all the dads out there who feel the system is stacked against them.)
18. Manic
He seemed pretty shy but normal prior to meeting, and not very long into the date he told me that he experiences frequent manic episodes and during the last one he masturbated 9 times in one day.
19. Get up, leave.
A guy told me he had jerked off while thinking about me before the date started so he could have a clear head.
This was about a minute into us sitting down in a movie theater.
Uhhh……ok, dude….
20. WHAT.
Drove an hour to meet the guy at a bar in his town, where he worked 🚩#1 (not the working at the bar, but having a first date at your workplace)
He didn’t want us to go in 🚩#2
We bought drinks from the convenience store next door 🚩#3
We then walked across the street to a park by the river, where we opened our drinks and started chatting. Whenever anyone walked by, he hid his drink below the table 🚩#4
Because he then shared he was in AA 🚩#5
But he “wasn’t an alcoholic” 🚩#6
Even so, he was leaving to go to rehab at the end of the week 🚩#7
But he couldn’t drive himself there, because his license was suspended 🚩#8
However, he did drive himself to the date, because he didn’t want to show up on a bicycle 🚩#9
…sadly I ended up going on two more dates with the guy. Suffice it to say, he had a whole ass garden of red flags. I was desperate at the time though, but I’m doing a lot better now thank goodness!!
