Ruin My Week
Have you ever tried a sexual fantasy that wasn’t anywhere close to as hot as how you imagined it in your mind? Turns out it happens a lot. Our brains are great at concocting elaborate steamy scenes but the logistics and execution of these fantasies—not to mention the feelings of the other person or persons involved—aren’t usually part of the planning.
Redditor u/rupakdas49966 recently asked:
“What sexual bucket list item(s) didn’t live up to your expectations?”
And we collected some of the best (and funniest) replies.
1. Oil
Getting covered in Baby Oil for sex. We were in the bath (no water) so as not to ruin the house, covered each other in oil which started out quite sexy but once the floor of the bath got slippy we were done for. Not only were we unable to stand we also couldnt grip the sides of the bath to get upright. We were just a squirming mess unable to do anything but laugh. –Kenlor41
2. Sex in public
I was constantly worried that someone was going to pop up out of nowhere and arrest us. Made it very difficult to, um, concentrate. –ImNotAFatKid
3. Kama Sutra
I tried some of the Kama Sutra positions with my ex, and not only are they hard to arrange yourself into, once either of us moved at all his penis would pop out of me. So the whole thing was us twisting ourselves into pretzels, ten seconds of wiggling, then grunts of dismay and trying to get his penis back inside. –transemacabre
4. Threesomes
It was ok for a bit but everyone caught feelings later and it was a mess. –mmmfoodie
5. Cuckolding
Being the guy cuckolding a guy’s gf. I’m not sure how to word it…. But a guy wanted me to have sex with his gf while he watched. It was really awkward and very weird that I couldn’t finish and just ended up getting dressed and went home. –No_Leader_2711
6. Feathers
Using feathers –whateverloserwanaby
7. Lopsided threesomes
My first threesome. The girl only wanted to be with my gf, she wasn’t interested in doing anything with me, she said “I can get dick any time”. She did give me some head eventually, I guess I was just happy to be in there somewhere. –TwistedBlister
8. Scotch
Boyfriend wanted to drink scotch out of my hoo haa
I knew it would be terrible but I had lots of after-care stuff on hand.
Alright bucko. Go for it.
I got smashed in 15 minutes and passed out. He was left high and dry. –x4ty2
9. Mile-high club
Airplane sex. Cramped and toilets are a bit of a turn-off. –MacDaddyDragonn
10. Sex on the beach
It was not fun, good, or relaxing. Sand got inside of my pussy, asshole, and just every crevice. I guess the sand caused small tears so when we rinsed off in the ocean afterwards it was burn city. Zero stars. Getting sand in your vagina does make you pissed off lol.
Sex while being held up in the air. It looks good in porno but doesn’t feel that great. You’ll be more focused on muscle soreness and physical exhaustion. Not worth it.
Also don’t have sex in front of Niagra falls as people still wander around there even at 3am, you will probably get applause and possibly arrested. –emigoesrawr8
11. Whipped cream
Using stuff like whipped cream and honey in the bedroom. For anyone that is interested in trying: dairy breath stinks and honey crystalizes. Keep some mouth wash, wipes and wet rag at the ready. Also use small portions. –Sol-Blackguy
12. Marathon sex
Having sex for a long period of time. Guy I was sleeping with used to keep stopping for a moment so he didn’t cum and he could keep it going for longer. To be honest, my cooch was tired as fuck and we weren’t using lube so it got kinda sore and then I’d get bored. But jokes on both of us, turns out I’m a lesbian. –Accomplished_Deer1
13. Singing
My first gf wanted to sing together while f-cking, like a musical lmao. It was a fantasy she always had in her early teens. She was fully aware that it is unpractical, it was a stupid idea but we tried anyway just for fun. –Dracogame
14. Pools
Pools. Hot tubs. Shower is okay, but usually just end up somewhere else anyway. Beach. Trampoline is terrible. Back seat of a car hasn’t been fun/comfortable since high school. Kitchen counters, walls, etc. depends on the girls height and weight. Usually not ideal. Waterbed is so so bad.
Honestly, beds are the gold standard and the floor is great for really going to pound town if that’s what the occasion calls for. Also outdoors is underrated. –OatmealStew
15. Threesomes again
Threesome (FFM). Both girls were in to it. In to me. And in to each other. But god DAMN it was more work than anything. On top of that, the other girl was a doctor. She damn near started to give me an exam while I laid there naked on the bed while she polished me off. It was a bit uncomfortable. –themoochiest
16. Tying people up
Tie someone to their bed. It’s all fun, until you want to switch positions. –out_focus
17. Spontaneity
I asked my husband to be more spontaneous. So I’m wearing a dress and trying to plug my x-box into the tv and he just lifts my dress and starts going to town… And it sounds really cool, but like I just wanted to play x-box and it was so dusty behind the tv and the floors hurt my knees. I never told him it wasn’t that great because he was like REALLY into it, but yeah, lesson learned. –deeznutz066
18. Rope
Like I appreciate people with that skill, and darned if it doesn’t look super pretty and all… but it does NOTHING for me sexually and fuck if I’m gonna learn it. –Sloth_Triumph
19. Champagne room sex
Sex with a dancer in a strip club “Champagne Room.”
The sex was not very good, although the overall act was memorable. –Chrome_Armadillo
20. Orgys
Walked into my first and only one and instantly felt like I was in a badly lit nature documentary, watching 20 bobbing asses up in the air, permeated by girls faking mating calls. It was not sexy. Just kinda funny. Worst bit. My internal monologue decided it would spend the rest of the night describing what I was seeing in a David Attenborough voice the entire time. I’m sorry David. –captainrosalita
