Hannah Riley
Not everyone can agree on how to raise their children, which is why everyone is completely different and that’s okay! It’s a good thing that people have unique personalities and interests, but the harm comes when people teach their children things that can damage their mental health and future.
Some of these strong opinions, like not forcing your children to hug or kiss adults if they don’t want to, have recently become more common after being unpopular (or even considered rude) for a very long time. Someone on AskReddit asked ‘What harmful things are being taught to children?’ and here are all the best answers.
1. Failure is bad.
“That failure is bad.
Failing should not be considered as an obstacle but a step in the learning process. Demonizing the failure and stigma associated with it makes many children lose their interest once they fail.”
2. “Because I said so.”
“My mom would often punish me for something, and whenever I asked why or what I did I was told “I’m the adult and you are the child” or “because I said so” or “you shouldn’t need a reason”.”
3. Help them figure out what’s important.
“The issue is that kids are told what’s important, not how to evaluate what’s important.
Are grades important? Sure, but why do they care? You don’t need a 4.0 from a crippling pricey college to get a good job that will allow you to live the lifestyle you want.
Is money important? Sure, but what so you need money for? You don’t need to work yourself to death to save for retirement and live a lifestyle that makes you happy.
Are friends important? Sure, but you don’t need to be a social butterfly with huge parties every weekend. If you’ve got a few people you like to spend time with, don’t worry about it.
Are material things important? Yeah, at a certain point, you do need some stuff to lead the lifestyle you want. But you don’t need the nicest car, newest phone, most exclusive clothes, or the best-decorated apartment.
The key is decide what life you want to live, and wrap your choices around it unapologetically, and that’s a tricky thing to figure out, and it has to be personal. No one can make that decision for you, even if they can give you valuable advice on how to get there.”
4. Teach them good values, not who to vote for.
“Political views, at ages that children are really too young to understand them. They just spout off their parents thoughts.
The worst part is they repeat them and hear the same political views so much that they internalize it. when they are older enough to question it, they then have an identity crisis because the things their parents said don’t make sense when examined a little further.
So like anyone else when your views come under scrutiny, you dig a deeper trench, and pretty much develop an unspoken pledge of loyalty to your political party.”
5. Life is fair.
“The lie that life is fair and things happen for benevolent, valid reasons.
Then we let them get burned and figure it out themselves.”
6. Adults are always right.
“Not owning up to their mistakes or blaming them on others.
Apologize to your kids when you fuck up.
When my 5 year old has a rough behavior day I’ll ask if she wants to start over and we pretend to go to sleep and “wake up.”
We ask how each other slept, and pretend like whatever argument we were having just never existed. If it’s towards the end of the day, I’ll say “It’s OK sweetheart, we can try again tomorrow.”
About a year ago I was having a terrible day. Work was awful, dinner didn’t come out right, and she was being just so….4!! I would grouse at her to get off me, put the crayons away, stop making that noise, the couch is not a jungle gym! Guh!!
When it came time for bed I laid her down and said “I’m sorry. I was being snippy with you today and you didn’t do anything wrong.”
She reached up to hug me and said “It’s OK Mama, we can try again tomorrow.”
That’s when I suddenly realized I was doing OK with the whole teaching-empathy thing.”
7. Everyone is a winner.
“That everybody is a winner.
No.
Losing and disappointments are part of life and they are integral to your growth both emotionally and socially. We have a lot of people who enter the real world who have been told they are deserving of things just because and cannot take rejections and losses in their personal and professional lives with any grace whatsoever.
This is also resulting in mediocrity being accepted as a norm cos nobody wants to call out ineptitude. While the hard work and dedication being put in by people who do end up in good positions are being played down. It’s a little harsh but it’s true.
Kids gotta learn how to lose before they can truly start to win. That’s the only way being gracious in victory will ever come about.”
8. No tattle tales.
“No “tattle tails” or “snitching”
How many kids are abused or bullied and won’t come forward because of this?”
9. You need to go to college.
“This is more at a high school level, but that trade schools or learning a trade is a lessor option compared to a standard college degree.
Trade schools and learning a skilled trade need just as much emphasis as a college degree.
Along those same lines, collage (or trade school) show be treated as a busy investment. Time should be taken for kids/teens to examine how long it will take to repay their schooling and if that degree is worth the money.
Especially now with previous generation living longer and staying in the job market longer. Combined with more and more people graduating with degrees, there is more supply and the demand is not growing evenly in all areas of expertise.”
10. You have to be kind to everyone all the time.
My son’s preschool has a strict “you do not have to play if you don’t want to” policy. No one has to play with anyone they don’t want to play with. They say that no one has to to hug or touch anyone or be touched if they don’t want it. No one has to share their toys or other school supplies if they aren’t done with it. In fact the preschool teacher will go over and referee and say “is Bobby done with the toy car? No? Then Mikey, you have to wait until he is done.” It’s pretty refreshing. I wanted to let you know there are new philosophies and my son’s preschool really strongly teaches body autonomy. Your body is your own and no one can touch it or make you do anything with it without your permission.
11. You can be anything you want.
“That you can be anything you want in life.
Sorry but this just isn’t correct. Poor Eddie who can’t grasp basic division isn’t going to be an astronaut.”
12. Forcing kids to eat everything.
“It seems like forcing kids to eat everything off their plate is pretty harmful, it doesn’t matter if they’re full, they have to clean off their plate and they can’t leave the table until they do.”
13. The world is scary.
“That the world outside your house is a scary and dangerous place.
In the United States, it is largely not. Let them explore without fear.”
14. Boys don’t cry.
“Boys don’t cry.
Let the damn boys cry.”
