We get it. Watching children transition into adulthood is hard for parents. However, it’s not the child’s fault for growing up — and parents often don’t accept that.
As we reach adulthood, our relationship with our parents becomes more complicated. A child becomes more independent until they are eventually fully dependent on themselves. For parents that have made their identities caregivers for nearly two decades, this dynamic can be challenging to let go of.
The same goes for authoritarian parent types who spiral because they no longer have power over their child. It’s a big mess and the child is always at the middle.
That’s why this Reddit thread is so relatable. Redditor GarlicCookies asked:
“What are some truths some parents refuse to accept?”
And the post received a gigantic 10.3k comments as of this writing.
Many people bonded over the same struggles, while endless truths are shared. We’ve rounded up 20 of the most universal truths.
1. You don’t own your kids
Children are not your property, nor your employees.
2. Don’t micromanage them
The older your children get, the more autonomy you need to grant them.
3. Let them go for it
There’s a time when you need to let your kids make mistakes, so they can learn from them. Life is pretty short, so if they have a goal, let them go for it.
4. Don’t expect a mini you
Your kid is an individual. There is a good chance that their interests, hobbies, and passions are going to be different from yours. Support and encourage your kids to be themselves and not a mini-you.
Also, for the love of god have a conversation about how you and your partner plan on raising your kid. My parents had such drastically different (and bad in their own ways) parenting styles. It was really confusing.
5. Kids aren’t there to live vicariously through
That you don’t get to relive your life through them
6. “Because I said so” isn’t a valid retort
That sometimes their kids have valid opinions and instead of interrupting them and pulling the “because I said so” and “that’s just how it is” cards, they could listen to their child and make them feel heard instead of suppressed.
7. Hold the judgement
If you judge your children too much they will learn to hide things from you.
8. Take your child’s mental health seriously
Your child’s mental health doesn’t care about your worries of looking like a bad parent if you get them help. It will continue to get worse the longer you neglect them.
9. Your children are your responsibility
That you are responsible for your kids. Yes you need to feed them, clothe them, provide shelter, love them, etc. It’s amazing how many parents don’t want to do some of those or feel like it’s a burden to do those.
10. It’s possible for parents to apologize – many just don’t want to
Apologizing won’t kill you. It’s better to be respected than feared. Your kids can have different opinions than you. You can be a parent and a friend.
11. If your kid needs help, don’t make it about you
If your kid needs help, speech therapy, tutoring, medication, occupational therapy, ect…it is NOT a reflection on YOU personally. Sometimes kids struggle. That’s ok. Making sure your kid has ALL the tools they need to succeed is your responsibility as a parent.
12. If you’re not their safe space, you’re doing it wrong
Above all else, YOU should be the safest person for your child. You should make it safe for them to be themselves. You should make it safe for them to have bad days or bad emotions. You should make it safe for them to exist. Because if you don’t make it safe for them when they’re a kid, it’s really hard for them to find safety in themselves as an adult.
13. Repeat: You are not always right
1. That we aren’t always going to be your baby
2. You are not always right
3. Sometimes we don’t tell you the full truth for a reason, like it backfiring on us and making the whole situation worse for us in every way shape and form
14. Kids are a responsibility, not a possession
Your kid doesn’t ever really “belong” to you. They are just another human who has their own life. You’re just responsible for helping them figure out life
15. You determine if your kids want to be around you
That when kids grow up, they will enjoy spending time with you if you treat them like a friend. They will not enjoy spending time with you if you continue to act like an authority figure or someone who knows better.
16. Parenting comes with a unique reward
the reward for good parenting is a friendship with your adult child
17. Kids aren’t mini parents
Your daughter is your child, not your co-parent.
18. Watch your words
Your words hurt.
If I finally hurt you with words one time, then take a wild guess who I learned that from.
19. Kids are dicks
That their children are dickheads.
“Oh no, my James would never do something like that.”
Well he did, and he’s a prick.
20. Watch the spoiling
Spoiling your kid too much can leave them really unprepared for the real world. They can end up really useless, or a complete asshole who genuinely thinks the world revolves around them. At some point you need to teach them they aren’t king/queen of the world, they need to fend for themselves eventually.
You can view the entire post here.