I hate this trope with a fiery burning passion because I think it feeds into the myth that women are prone to “seek a provider”. It’s the “surely she could only be with him for money!” kind of harmful nonsense.
BUT — in the interest of being a worldly, thoughtful person, I went ahead and read through the recent Reddit post by u/Toomad316 wondering how ugly guys landed hot women and pulled out the most realistic, thoughtful answers I could find.
1. Younger
By being hot when I was younger. I’ve just aged horribly while my wife has aged like fine wine.
2. No confidence
Smoke and mirrors. She thinks I’m hot, but it’s just confidence and superficial charm. It’s been 21 years and I’m white knuckling the whole relationship hoping she doesn’t notice I’m a fat dork.
3. Blind?
I believe my wife is damn near blind
4. Her bad taste
My wife has terrible taste
5. Great genes
TBH, she’s gotten hotter over the last 25 years, and I’ve gotten… old. I think her secret is a great skin care routine, exercise, and good genes.
6. Hugs! And laughs.
I can make her laugh and I give great hugs.
7. Humor. Um. YEAH.
I have a girthy and I mean massively good sense of humor
8. Honesty
Maybe because I’m funny and I’d like to think that I’m honest. Like, way too honest.
9. It’s that sense of humor!
My wife told me I have a great sense of humor and can always brighten her day with it. She also said that I really listen to her when we talk…I definitely married up…
10. Attention
I pay attention to the small things. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. We have good communication, I try my best to make her feel loved. I never pressure her into anything, and we encourage each other to keep improving. If we fight, we solve it pretty quickly because we’re both able to apologize and recognize our faults. It’s just about being able to say “hey I love you and I want to work through this because I know we can figure out how to get through it.” We’ve probably had 2-3 big fights in our relationship, but we’ve always sat down and talk about it, warts and all.
11. Charisma!
It’s all charisma
12. THESE.
Make them laugh. Treat them well. Do fun stuff together. Do chores. Admit when you’re wrong. Give compliments without prompting. Learn what they do and don’t like, then put that knowledge to work. Have a handle on your own psychology so you can deal with your shit. Listen twice as much as you talk.
13. Skills
You know those guys who brag about finishing a pudding cup without a spoon? I can clean a peanut butter jar.
14. Turns out!
I’m not ugly, but I got a woman way hotter than me to marry me. Turns out if you have a good personality and are slightly interesting, then you can get away with being a 5.
15. The other view
My boyfriend isn’t classically handsome. His hair line is receding and the man is a bean pole and somewhat effeminate, exactly who the Andrew Tate types claim will never get a woman.
But I’m obsessed with him and I’m so glad and proud he’s mine. Why is that?
He listens when I talk. He cleans up after himself. He’s funny and insightful and above all kind. He cooks… he’s terrible at it but he tries hard. He’s the most gentle man I’ve ever met and because of that I don’t feel the fear I’ve felt around most men in my life. My cats love him. He feeds me. He apologizes when he’s wrong and I feel secure enough to admit when I’m wrong too. We talk every problem out as us v. the problem instead of him v. me. He gives me space when I need it and attention when I need it too. We respect each other.
Those things aren’t hard but he’s the first to check all those boxes. He’s a 100/10 for me and I’ll grow old and die with him happily.
16. Treat her well
I treated her like a good friend, not an object of infatuation. That caught her attention. I got her to to fall in love with me by proving to be well-rounded in my life and very capable.
17. Treat her VERY WELL.
I’m not an ugly guy, per se, but I’m stone cold average at best. I’m totally forgettable, but my wife is hot – she’s always attracting attention, she’s the kind of woman that men buy things for out of the blue.
I listen to her. I share chores with her. I take care of her. I encourage her to do things that make her happy. I spend time with her. I show interest in the things that interest her.
18. Sage wisdom
As Red Green would say “If the women don’t find you handsome, make sure they find you handy”
19. The bar is so low
Have a sense of humor, especially about yourself, and be comfortable laughing.
Listen.
Clean the house.
Be kind to animals and service workers.
The bar is incredibly….staggeringly low
20. A true man
I load the dishwasher instead of leaving shit in the sink