Kate Hackett
The wedding industry is a complex series of total cons designed to trick women into spending more and more money. The Instagram-perfect location! The cake! WHO CARES.
A viral thread over on AskWomen on Reddit asked women the question:
“What would you have done differently on your Wedding Day?”
The query was posed by u/Puzzleheaded-Yam-411 and quickly went viral with hundreds of comments. We went through and found the best 20 replies for you to nod along to or cringe through. Let us know your favorite!
1. Bye, boi
Married someone else
2. Keep it quiet
I would NOT have told anybody my wedding plans. Like just not offered any info whenever I was asked how wedding planning was going, and just say I was keeping it a surprise.
My mother in law and sister in law lost their shit over my flower selection. My mom told me I was an embarrassment over my catering selection (mind you my husband and I paid for everything ourselves). When showing my aunt my Pinterest board for wedding dresses she literally said “I know your style is better than this, these are terrible, it’s a good thing I caught it before you bought anything”. Everyone felt that they knew better than us. Up until the morning of our wedding day these women were trying to pressure me into making changes and spending money i didn’t have.
I still did everything I wanted and the day was lovely and everyone enjoyed/behaved themselves. but I just could have saved myself a ton a misery if I had only kept my mouth shut about my plans. I wish instead wasting all my energy on defending my choices, apologizing, and then second-guessing my plans, I spent that time enjoying being engaged. It seems petty because it only a one-day event. But seeing how judgmental and pushy they all were in trying to bully me into each of their own specific tastes really opened my eyes, and has caused a bit of a “strain in those relationships” (read: I’m no longer the easy to manipulate pushover they all needed me to be).
3. Added something
Hired a photographer.
We eloped with siblings as witnesses because of some messy parent stuff. I really wish we would have hired someone to take a few posed pictures at the park or something.
4. Bridesmaids
Chosen different bridesmaids. I had six. Two are still in my life and four left in two separate shitty incidents. I hate most of my wedding photos now
5. Oops
Remembered to grab my bouquet. It was sitting on the coffee table all day. Now we just laugh about it – I spent hundreds of hours crocheting it for it to be left at home.
6. Icing
My ex husband loves to have fun at my expense. When we cut the cake, I tried to playfully get icing on his nose. He ducked, avoiding me, didn’t even take a bite of the cake, then he grabbed a handful of cake and rubbed it into my hair. It took everything in me to not cry in front of the 150 people there. I put on the performance of a lifetime. I feigned a laugh and acted like it was all in good fun. I wish I had just let my tears fall and simply asked him in front of everyone “why would you do that?” In reality, I should have never married him, and then I should have left years before I did. But here we are. I don’t necessarily regret that (we had beautiful children), but I always wish I had stood up for myself.
7. Eat!
Made sure to eat something that morning! I was so nervous. But then I got so lightheaded with champagne I nearly fainted walking up the aisle!
8. Too formal
Everything. Wanted a lavender dress but I was young and told I had to wear white. I would have it in an old bldg, gothic style with a garden outside for pics, pro photographer and very few people. Taco and margarita bar for the win next time if ever.
9. Pandemic
Sometimes I wish it wouldn’t have had to happen during a global pandemic, but honestly it turned out so beautiful anyway that I wouldn’t change a thing.
10. Alone Time
I would have made sure to plan a bit of alone time for myself the day of. I didn’t get even 5 minutes to just be by myself before my wedding, to breathe or reflect or generally be in the moment. That morning was a blur of people and activity. I found it exhausting to have some kind of audience for an entire day, sunrise to well after sunset. A moment to happily freak out about the fact that holy shit, I’m about to get married! with no one watching would have been awesome.
11. Too much
It would’ve been much smaller and I would’ve told my dad that he wasnt planning it. I was 19 and my husband was 21 so we had no money but were in love. My dad decided since the FOB pays, then it’s HIS wedding so whatever he wants is what I got.
If I could go back, I would’ve had a budget wedding with maybe 40 friends/family of MY choosing instead of 200 people that I’ll never see again. Different gown (no train or veil this time). And REAL flowers instead of fake ones.
I also wouldn’t have had it in a church. I’m not religious but was guilt-tripped into going to pre-cana classes at the church and having the ceremony there. I would’ve taken most of the “traditional” elements out.
12. Wrong dress
Would’ve gotten a dress that made me feel like a goddess. Mine was pretty but white ain’t my color and it could’ve been better. Also, don’t do strapless.
13. Strapless
Seconding not going strapless. My dress got so heavy after a few hours and I spent so much time fussing with it. Thirding not going strapless. It’s not flattering nor comfortable on most people but the wedding industry kept pushing strapless wedding dresses because they are easy to alter.
14. Brutal
Said “I don’t”.
15. Food
My sister said she wished someone had packed her and her husband an extra to-go box of the food served at the wedding. She said they barely ate dinner because they were busy talking to people and they had an addrenial rush and not much of an appetite. They were starving when they got to their hotel.
16. Drink less
I wouldn’t have drank so much. I had loads of fun which is good but I wish I’d have been a bit more sober.
17. Waited
I would have waited 5 years.
Not because I regret marrying him, we are still together and still in love, and not necessarily because I was too young to be married (I was 21) but because I was a very different person at 26. We live in a different state now, and our lives are way different to when we were married. I have met so many more people and formed so many wonderful relationships with them, I’m actually sad they weren’t at my wedding.
I would have held it in a different location, one that suited my personality more because I like different things now that I’m older. The venue we chose was lovely but in the end, it didn’t feel personal, it was just a place to be married.
I also have far different taste in style now, and have hobbies that I would have liked to see included in my day.
So, short answer is I wish I waited to know exactly who I was before getting married, but I don’t regret it entirely. I still married the man I love, and that’s all that matters.
18. Ripped dress
Had the hem of my dress at the front so it was a little higher and not stood on it and ripped the inner layer straight after the ceremony.
But that’s the only thing apart from a few swaps of guests but given it was several years ago and you meet new friends after occasions there isn’t much to regret there.
Otherwise I had a good time!
19. Photos
Taken more photos for myself. We eloped and I made a point of not using my phone the entire day and now I wish I had photos of the food we ate and just low key shots of husband. All we got were overly staged photos where we felt awkward having to pose so much in unnatural ways.
20. Timing
If I could change anything I would have had it 6 months earlier so that the pandemic wouldn’t have started yet and we could actually have had all our friends and family there.
Our wedding was lovely, but my best friend (and matron of honor) wasn’t able to attend it because of travel restrictions. It made parts of the day sad. I wanted to have fun getting my hair and make up done and with my friends and sisters, drinking mimosas and goofing off. I ended up basically just doing it alone.
