Kate Hackett
While I totally believe that people are entitled to their opinions, my personal rule is: if your opinion infringes on somebody else’s life, you may need to take a beat.
So that definitely means that there are some big red-flag opinions out there (looking at you, men on Hinge that write “apolitical”). u/neonroli47 recently wondered “What opinion have you heard someone express to you that made you scared of them?” over on Reddit and the women delivered.
1. What kind of lunatic says this?!
“‘Listen, I know you don’t want to believe it, but basically, men are biologically designed to hunt, and that includes hunt women. It’s in our nature to rape and just take what we want.’ He said that on our second date.” —u/SleepFlower80
2. Not so nice
“A seemingly sweet and sensitive guy who I was seeing suddenly became really glazed over and told me how angry he was at women and that they’re to blame for relationships failing. His face went red, and his eyes were welling up. It went over him like a wave, and then he returned to being all sweet and nice. I never really trusted him after that.” —u/magical_bunny
3. Selfish?
“That people who choose to be child-free are selfish.” —u/emojicatcher997
4. Reaction to a story
“I was in a class about sexual harassment. The teacher told us a story about a baron and his wife. The baron was supposed to go on a trip and told his wife not to leave, and that if she did, something terrible would happen to her. The wife leaves to go see her lover. When she tries to get back into the castle, the gatekeeper won’t let her because he was ordered to kill her if she left. She tries to get help from friends, but no one will help her, so the gatekeeper kills her. At the end, the teacher asked us who was responsible for the wife being killed. The majority of men in the room said it was her fault because she cheated and disobeyed her husband. This was before I was supposed to deploy with these men in the Army. It made me terrified to be stuck with them for the better part of a year. If anything happened to me, they would either be the perpetrators or they would blame me, because apparently infidelity is worse than murder, and women who cheat should be killed. Here’s a link to the exercise.” —u/felltheblackwolf
5. Not a challenge
“‘A woman can say no and later say yes. So when she says no, it’s a challenge to change her mind.’ I literally don’t care what context this is in. Anyone who has this mindset when it comes to women is scary. I don’t want to be in their vicinity.” —u/shockedpikachu123
6. Whoaaaaaa
“I was dating someone who said he can’t take women in his workplace seriously when they give him instructions unless they are bigger than him (e.g., taller, heavier, etc.). He would also often tell me that he had dreams of killing women. He thought of himself being so progressive. We didn’t date for long after that for obvious reasons.” —u/witch_hekate92
7. “She knows what she’s doing”
“When I expressed absolute disgust at men who prey on teens, a male relative said, ‘A man can’t be expected to ignore a 16-year-old girl when she’s in his lap.’ My response was, ‘So you’re OK with a grown man fucking a child?’ His response? ‘If she knows what’s she’s doing, it’s her fault, and he shouldn’t get in trouble for it.’ Thus, the story of how I learned that he’s OK with at least some level of child sexual abuse.” —u/mmkaytheniguess
8. It does not.
“That my uterus counts more than me.” —u/Prove-Me-Wrong
9. What a dick
“I had a ridiculous debate with a man who believed fat people should not be allowed to own clothes. That’s a scary level of anti-fatness.” —u/EBSD
10. Oh my god, good BYE
“On a first date, a guy — a really big guy with probably 150 pounds on me — told me, ‘It’s not rape if you yell SURPRISE first; then it’s just surprise sex.’ It didn’t scare me, but my momma didn’t raise no fool. I told the barista that I was having an issue, and it took about 15 seconds before he handed me off to the kitchen to keep me out of sight as they hauled the guy out of the place. They even comped me a sandwich and a tea while I waited to be sure the guy left and walked me to my car just in case. I started ‘reconnaissance dating’ after that. I would take a couple friends, and they would sit at a nearby table and ignore me. But if the date went south, they were there to back me up.” —u/OctoLlama88
11. Why are these people so awful?
“That rape is understandable in a war, and that they would probably do it, too.” —u/bunniisama
12. Triggered him!?
“A few months ago, there was a story on the news wherein a man fought with his girlfriend and pushed her off a cliff. My uncle said something along the lines of, ‘She probably did something to trigger him.'” —u/Choc_Muffin
13. 0 Romance here.
“When I was in university, I was talking about how the part in Twilight where Edward follows Bella home and watches her sleep is essentially stalking and utterly terrifying. My friend at the time, eyes popping out, bewildered at my opinion, said, ‘Are you kidding? I’d love that! Don’t you find that totally romantic? [His then-girlfriend’s name] would really love that.’ That moment should have been a foreboding sign of what kind of person he was, but I thought he was being facetious despite how creeped out I was.
He turned out to be one of the worst people I’ve ever met.” —u/ianhartless
14. What do they expect?
“‘I feel sorry for them, but honestly, if they’re walking alone and in quiet places at night, what do they expect to happen?’ This was said by my ex, regarding women who get raped. He got dumped the next day.” —u/AnyoneButMee
15. My mind won’t change
“I literally had someone I used to work with, back in college, ask if I would go out with him. I wasn’t interested in him romantically, so I said no. Then he said, and I quote, ‘I’ll make you change your mind. You’ll say yes. Also, I wouldn’t trust any food I give you in the future.’ (This was especially weird as he’d never offered me anything up to that point, but I digress.) The outright suggestion that he’d drug me and/or coerce me was enough to get me the hell away from him. Another time, I asked a friend to drive me to the dentist for an emergency since I had no car. Afterward, he asked if I’d be his girlfriend, and I said no. He then asked me to be his ‘Facebook status’ girlfriend, and I said no again. THEN, he drove me down a quiet backroad, parked, and said he could ‘rape me and no one would know.’ I thank God every day that I got out of that situation without any harm.
People who can’t take no for an answer are immediately out of my life. No questions asked.” —u/Momoreau
16. Just… okay with murder
“‘Old people should be euthanized when over 75,’ said some dude in my philosophy class. It was not a weird joke, and he was not playing devil’s advocate. It was his genuine opinion that he then continued to defend with passion. He also believes the world would be better if we were all brainwashed into believing the same thing and having the same goal. While I am not physically afraid of him, I am very afraid he is going to become a cult leader or other serious criminal in the future. Like, genuinely, bro is not OK.” —u/rosefaer
17. Permission only
“He said that he did not allow his better-educated wife to spend her own salary without his permission. Her salary was higher than his, and he was dumb as fuck. He also decides his wife’s bedtime. He genuinely believes women cannot make any decision.” —u/Apotak
18. Ew.
“A colleague once told me that women weren’t meant for the workforce. I usually speak up when I don’t agree with something, so I asked why. He said, ‘Women were designed to stay home and breastfeed, while men don’t have anything blocking them to go to work.'” —u/rfactor1997
19. Don’t complain
“My ex-roommate/friend said that he’s sick of going into town and seeing beautiful women with ‘troglodyte’ men who treat them like shit. I asked him if he’d actually seen this, and he didn’t answer. Instead, he just went off about how he should treat women like shit because they clearly love being abused. Another time, he had a female friend who was having trouble with her boyfriend. She herself was very unhappy, had anxiety, and was being treated poorly by her partner.
My ‘friend’ outright told me that he was going to tell this woman not to complain about her boyfriend to him anymore because he doesn’t care unless she’s going to suck his dick.” —u/pm_me_ur_unicorn
20. Nice Guys
“‘Nice guys finish last.’ IMMEDIATELY NO.” —u/navrupan
