Ruin My Week
Dudes on the internet are finally offering answers to the most pressing of questions: What is the worst thing about having a penis? Those who don’t own their penis can only image the issues that can arise when lugging around that hangin’ swangin’ thang between your legs but no need to think too hard, for the benevolent men of Reddit have all too willingly shared the downside of the shlong when Redditor u/Funny_Memething asked:
“Men of Reddit, what is the worst thing about having a penis?”
The results are hilariously enlightening.
1. The dreaded tip dip
“Sometimes when having a poop, you automatically pee and it goes through the little gap between the toilet seat and bowl wetting your underwear and bringing great shame. Then there is also the penis head touching toilet bowl moment, if this happens in a public toilet, the moment can induce suicidal tendencies.” –Something-Sinister
2. Morning boner burdens
“Morning boners when you have to pee.” –dannobomb951
3. Fickle floppers
“They’re the most temperamental things. Hard when you don’t want it to be. Soft when you want it to be hard. Sometimes a light breeze make it go off, sometimes it’s like trying to start a fire with 2 wet sticks. That’s the most annoying thing. They just don’t always cooperate.” –FluffyProphet
4. Inevitable disappointments
“Expectations.” –dakin79
5. The testie twisties
“The possibility of testicular torsion has gotta be up there.” –Magic-Gelpen
6. The permanence
“It’s not detachable.” –saptahant
7. The abuse
“Mine accuses me of beating him.” –upvoter222
8. Unsuccessful wipes
“When you finish peeing and the tip is still wet so you give it a gentle flick but some drops still remain so you dab it with a single toilet paper but, instead of the paper soaking up the moisture, scraps of paper stick to your dick. Like when you peel off a price tag but it doesn’t come off clean.” –oftenGetsItWrong
9. Geometry
“Leaning against the wall at 45° to piss with a random boner.” –Fanon64
10. Big D swingin’
“Constantly knocking things over like lamps and windmills.” –KirbyBucketts
11. Target practice is required
“Bad aim to the toilet seat every once in a while, so to speak.” –ExSogazu
12. Constant adjustments
“Having the sudden urge to adjust it every 5 MINUTES, especially with jeans, it gets soooo uncomfortable.” –CapElDiosDelViento
13. The oldest rivalry
“The worst part of having a penis is that you have to share a brain with it.” –Willing_Produce_7100
14. The unavoidable dribble
“Having that tiny drop of pee after you spent a minute trying to avoid it happening.” –Tooooblue
15. Hard times
“Its hard sometimes.” –kittenzrulz123
16. Bad luck of the draw
“Having a small one.” –Twaynesty
17. Gym shorts tenting
“Gym class. Sweat pants. The horror. The one type of pants that you’re allowed to wear for gym class and it’s tailor-made for maximum tenting.” –Karpattata
18. It’s just a naughty compass
“It’s like having a compass that only ever leads me to trouble.” –Cyanora
19. Blockage issues
“Sometimes, cum dries in the tip of your dick. So you go to the bathroom like normal, only the blockage has the same effect as holding your thumb over a hose, so your stream is split into two and— despite being properly aimed— the larger stream is hitting the wall and the lesser stream is hitting your foot, and you adjust your aim to stop hitting the wall. That’s the point where the blockage clears, but you’re pointed in the wrong direction and also manage to spray the bottom of the lid before you realize your mistake. If you get jumpy during the incident, you bobble your junk around and make an even bigger mess.” –sagiterrible
20. The sit and squash
“Sitting on a ball accidentally.” –En7117
