Patricia Grisafi
Look, hooking up is one of the most exciting things that happen to us. But then, suddenly (even more suddenly for some people I’ve dated, ahem)…it’s over.
Most of us have been there. After a hook-up, there’s that awkward moment when it’s time to get out of there. It can either be totally nice and normal — saying see you later, or I’ll text, or thanks, or whatever based on where you are in the relationship and what you expected from your evening.
Or it can be brutal.
On Reddit, folks are sharing the worst ways someone has asked them to leave after sex — and lots of these people could use a lesson in manners.
1. Gas Station
“Asked if he could drive my car to the gas station to buy cigarettes and when he came back he told me he left my keys in the car and it was running.” —
2. Taco Bell
“Go grab some Taco Bell. You can eat it on your way home.” —
3. “Sex And Stew”
“An old friend invited me over for her famous beef stew. I got there we fool around, had sex, then right after she handed me a tupperware of the stew and said ‘you got sex and stew, now please leave.’ Still not sure if that’s the worst way I was kicked out or the best.” —
4. Jizz in my Pants
“We were dry humping, Fully clothed, no hand stuff, and he came. After a couple seconds he asked me to leave cause he was ‘tired.’ Then he walked me to the door with his cum pants.” —
5. “Find Your Clothes”
“The second he came, he rolled over, grabbed his phone, and without even looking at me said ‘find your clothes, you know where the door is’ and just laid there on his phone ignoring me while I gathered my clothes and left. He tried texting me a few days later because he was drunk and horny so I told him ‘you know where your hand is’ and blocked him.” —
6. Uber Wisdom
“Went home with a girl from the bar. After we had sex, she said something like ‘soooo…think you can get an Uber now? If not, I GUESS you can sleep on the couch for a few hours.’ Here I was, sitting on some random girl’s couch trying to find an Uber at 4 AM. Mercifully I did find one and when the guy picked me up he said ‘so, your hookup kick you out?’ I said ‘is it that obvious’ and he replied ‘you weren’t the first one I drove back to their car tonight and you probably won’t be the last.’ —
7. Wrong Name
“While dozing off, he gently tapped my shoulder, and said: ‘Maribel, you can’t stay here.’ My name is not Maribel.” —
8. Reunite With An Ex
“We were good friends for a few years before hooking up after a night of drinking. Halfway through sex he told me he can’t actually do this because he wanted to get back with his ex and can’t mess it up because she’s the hottest girl he’ll ever be with. He lived in the middle of nowhere and I couldn’t leave until the morning so he made me sleep on the couch.” —
9. Cuddle Then Get Out
“Asked me to stay and cuddle her until she falls asleep then leave because she didn’t want me sleeping there, it was like 3 am.”
10. The Cigarette
“Post coitus, he stood up, lit a cigarette, and said ‘I don’t really think this is gonna work out.'” —
11. Farting
“A girl I was FWBs with rolled over while still naked, farted in my direction, and told me to lock the front door on my way out.” —
12. Best Friends No More
“He finished, got off me, started looking at pictures of other women on Instagram, and commenting on how much more attractive they were than me and told me ‘oh yeah you can go now.’ We were best friends for like two years up until that moment.” —
13. “Skeet And Yeet”
“He was at my house, so he was the one leaving. 5 minutes of sex, he came. I thought he was going to finish me off… nope. he gets up, starts putting his clothes on, and says (after a yawn), ‘well, I don’t mean to skeet and yeet, but I better get home.'” —
14. Catch The Bus
“‘I’m sorry, but you’ll have to catch a bus or something ’cause I’ve got work in the morning, so I can’t drop you off.’ The distance from the bar to her place was about 45 minutes. We went in her car. She told me this at about one in the morning, basically in the middle of f*cking nowhere. Longest walk home ever, for very meh sex.” —
15. “I’m Done And I’m Tired”
“5am at a random girls house I met at the club and we’re hooking up and I try to talk a little dirty and I go ‘tell me what you want and it’s yours’ and she goes ‘I want you to finish because I’m done and I’m tired.’ —
Featured Image: Pexels
