Patricia Grisafi
Getting married might be on hold for a lot of people right now, but wedding drama is forever. One incident still haunting a Redditor from last year involves a situation where the OP’s feelings towards her best friend went unannounced until literally after he said “I do” to his bride. It sounds like a bad movie—I think it has been a bad movie.
Being in love with your best friend and not telling them until they are either about to walk down the aisle or have just exchanged kisses and vows is not exactly ideal, but is it malignant? The OP wants to know if it was a bad idea to reveal her love at such a charged time.
“I’ve known my best friend since childhood. We used to spend every second together. We went to the same elementary and high school and only lived a few doors down from each other. We kept talking when he went to university, but stopped talking for about 4 years when I went and and made different friends, but eventually we both found jobs in our hometown and reconnected,” writes the OP.
“I’ve always thought my best friend was attractive, but I never made a move because I’m a more traditional person and he never asked. We both went to prom with different people, dated different people in college, etc. We never kissed or had any other physicality.”
The OP explains that over time, she ended up liking her best friend’s now-wife. She also still hung out with him all the time, going hiking and doing other activities, but without any romantic subtext.
“On the night of the wedding, I asked one of my other friends what I should do, and she recommended that I tell him my feelings before the wedding. She said I would regret it forever if I didn’t. I realized this was true. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him before the ceremony, but afterwards I managed to pull him aside and tell him that I’ve loved him forever. He started to cry and told me to leave.”
Imagine how awkward that moment had to be for both people involved—and how it could have changed the entire mood of the wedding.
The OP explains that she has only spoken to him once since the wedding—when he texted her to ask if she was okay because of the current crisis. And guess what? She misses him.
What to do?
Redditors were not feeling particularly sympathetic to the OP’s concerns.
“‘If you don’t, you’ll regret it forever.’ Are you kidding? You just made HIS wedding day about you and your feelings. You either should have told him LONG before the wedding, or you should have kept your mouth shut. Now he’ll always remember that on his wedding day, and it’s your fault,” raged user MelissaCAlexander.
“You wanted to get this off your chest. I get that–it’s hard to sit with those feelings unspoken. But imagine how this feels for him. He’s just married, presumably, the love of his life, and a longtime friend discloses a longtime attraction toward him. What is he supposed to do with that? Leave the person he literally, just a couple hours ago, married? In the unlikely event that the feeling was mutual, the timing was inappropriate: he’s just married someone else, and you opened the door for regret. This was a decision that you made in order to get something off your chest so that you could feel better made without any regard for how this would make your friend feel,” agreed jogam.
“I truly believe that you did not mean ill, but your actions had a seriously negative impact. I encourage you to use this as a learning experience, and work toward becoming more self-aware of your motivations for saying things and the impact of what you say on other people. You owe this friend an apology. Your friend would be well within his rights to never resume the friendship given what you did, but if your friendship has any chance of resuming, it is hard to believe it would without you conveying that you understand the hurt that you caused.”
“Everything about this situation sucks but the part about OP telling him AFTER the ceremony basically negates the entire excuse that he had to know about OP’s feelings before it was ‘too late’ or something,” said propanemother.
“You’ve known him since childhood and chose to wait until his wedding day, what’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life, to express your feelings? It’s incredibly selfish, likely ruined his day, and could’ve ruined his entire relationship. That was his day and you made it about you,” applyingtrifler said.
Redditors also agree that it doesn’t seem like there’s any way to mend this friendship.
“OP has watched WAY too many movies. This was thoughtless, juvenile and selfish. Congrats, OP – you’ve ruined a friendship. You cannot fix this, and frankly, the YTA gets even harder if you try. Walk away and leave him alone. Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what he wants,” said Jbn42.
What do you think? Was this a friendship-ending stunt? Does the OP deserve a second chance?
