Patricia Grisafi
Asking a partner to choose between friends’ night or date night is lame and probably a huge red flag. Ideally, there should be room for both in every relationship. But what if your partner started calling your “girls’ night” sexist and misogynistic for excluding him and his friends?
One Redditor’s boyfriend did just that, causing a rift in the relationship. The OP doesn’t want to stop her tradition of girls’ nights and doesn’t believe she’s being hurtful or sexist. Should she tell this boyfriend to take a walk if he can’t respect her time with friends?
“[Throwaway because he has my main accounts password]. So I’ve been seeing this guy ‘Will’ 27M for months now…We don’t live together but we do meet at my place every weekend. He called and asked what we will be doing on Friday and I said I wanted to host a GNI since it was my turn.”
“He asked what the heck was a GNI I said a girls night in and he got quiet then asked if I was being [serious]. I was confused as he started talking about how outdated and sooo 1950s those events are and said that I should stop promoting and advocating for those events as they are sooo toxic and flat out reek of misogyny. I was shocked by his long rant but he said that was his honest opinion. I told him regardless I still plan to host the event after he tried talking me out of it and suggested we go out together.”
Will suggested he bring his guy friends to join up, but the OP said no. Then Will called her “sexist and misogynistic” and said that her “mentality will cause…issues in the future.” The OP said she was blown away by how Will acted about the GNI, and she told him she would not stop hosting or being a part of GNI no matter what he said about it.
“I tried to call and apologize for lashing out later, but he sent a text saying he was hurt by how I handled our small disagreement and needs time to process what he just found out about my personality. This hurt me, but my friendship and the bond I share with my girlfriends is huge and I don’t want to risk years of friendships by no longer being part of our bonding activities.”
What do Redditors think?
“NTA how is girls night sexist?? No offense but you’ve said that you’ve only been dating a couple of months and he throws a tantrum over you not picking him over spending time with your friends. That’s a red flag,” said Soft-Worldliness-466.
“Not just dramatic but he sounds really controlling and the fact that he’s downplaying this as a “small disagreement” are HUGE red flags, OP. He doesn’t want you to have time with your girlfriends? Watch out with this one…it seems like he wants to isolate you. Also, WHY does he have your social media passwords? NTA and it might be time to throw the man in the bin before this gets out of control. In healthy relationships, there is zero need to apologize for wanting to hang out with your friends,” said YourMomsTwat.
“Coming from a man, run away from this boy. Completely NTA. Flipping out about a girl’s night or needing me time or any time separate from him is a huge red flag and shows how clingy and controlling he will be down the line,” advised UofMtigers2014.
“RUN. See how he made you feel crazy about this issue then turned you into the bad guy for ‘making him feel bad about this small disagreement’ when you just stood up for yourself? He even had you convinced you needed to apologize!! Honey when I say I lived this scenario a thousand times and you need to run, I mean it. Down to defending him and focusing on the things that are cool about him. Ive been there. This is unacceptable and he’s well on his way to becoming a manipulative and abusive bf. This will not stop or get better. Like he berated you for wanting to have a chill sesh with your gal pals and took it so far as to say this will hurt you professionally and call you sexist and misogynistic excuse me?! Girls get together all the time to eat cheese plates and watch The Bachelor wtf. And he really flipped it on YOU and made you the bad guy and made you feel like you needed to apologize and now you’ve hurt him for having a completely normal response and standing up for yourself when he said something bizarre. Don’t go down this road. Don’t even start. Do not start. Don’t do this. That first ‘reconciliation’ will having you feeling like you’re a stronger couple, you both know how to apologize and be mature. Because you’ve admitted and owned up to a mistake and character flaw. You believe you were wrong when you never were. And if you got sassy, it was only because he intentionally pushed you to a breaking point. But you’re so0o mature now for seeing the error of your ways. And you start believing you’re the problem here. Don’t even start down this road please. RUN,” stated basilobs.
“NTA. Wtf? I don’t think he knows what misogyny is. How can getting a group of women getting together mean you hate women?? If he thinks a group of women hanging out together is toxic and wrong then this is not the guy for you. Break it off with him now. There is something very wrong with him,” said cfghjiuyfddssfgg.
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