Hannah Riley
The longer I’ve spent in social isolation, the more I regret the times I didn’t go to things I was invited to. There weren’t that many, but I think my sister probably would have liked me to be at her wedding.
Some people reach out in this era of social distancing to let you know how hard they have it… as if the whole planet hasn’t been isolated for the past year.
Part of life is the inevitable distance between people you used to be close with. This also means evaluating friendships that seem to be more life-suckers than life-givers. That leads to the awkward friend breakup or even worse, trying to slow-ghost them.
By reading these tips from AskReddit users, hopefully you can avoid becoming friends with these crappy people in the first place.
1. Promises, promises.
When you can’t trust a damn word they say or any promise they make to you, you know you don’t have a good friend.
2. Askholes
“Always asking for favours but never there when you need them to return one.”
3. Hello… It’s me.
“I find that there are some people you call when there’s a party, and some you call when there’s a problem… But a friend you can’t expect to be there when it isn’t fun, that’s not necessarily a bad person or a bad friend, just not a great friend. “
4. Sorry, I’m just so bad at replying!
“You see you got a private message from them and your gut reaction is to start getting nervous or anxious.
“What is it this time…”.”
5. Good Vibes Only
“Friends that only care to talk about their own success and aren’t genuinely happy for you and yours unless it amounts to less than their own.”
6. I’m Sorry Your Feelings Were Hurt
“Inability or unwillingness to apologize when he or she does something wrong.
It’s symptomatic of an ego issue that will eventually infect every aspect of your friendship.”
7. The Pissing Contest
“They call you only when they need you.
And then you feel guilty when you get mad because they’ve had a rough upbringing or something. And you feel like a bad friend and like maybe you’re overreacting. Because you know, they’ve been through a lot.
But still, you want to vent to them about your problems because they might be able to sympathize but then you think that their problems have been worse than yours so you really can’t complain because in comparison you don’t have shit to complain about.”
8. Best Friends Forever (Or Just Right Now)
“Friends that don’t let you have any other friends and require 100% of your time when they can’t give you the same.”
9. Knife to Know You
“Friends who gossip excessively.
If they’re talking about other people, chances are they’re talking about you.”
10. It Was Just a Prank, Bro
“They never say anything supportive of you. But they will point out your flaws, and can’t wait to burn you, because it’s funny, to them. And then the follow up of “you’re too sensitive” “It’s just joking”
11. Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don’t want to go.
“Really jealous and possessive friends. I’m a jealous person by nature, and even though my jealousy flares up when I see my friends hanging out with other people, I would never let them know.
Why? Because I don’t want them to feel bad about doing the things they love (eg. having a social life outside my little world) If a person tries to box you up because they want you all to themselves, it’s not a proof of love or companionship. True love (in any kind of relationship like friends, family, lovers) is shown by respect and allowing the other person to have free will.”
12. No taste in buds.
“When they push other people out of the friend group. It happened in my group where there were 5 of us, she joined and basically bullied 3 out of the group. But it wasn’t obvious bullying.
A lot of things change, next thing I know I’m being treated like shit to the point I hate myself. Me and my friend managed to leave and make friends with the original 5 again.
The one that kicked everyone out is very social and no one really likes her bc she’s not nice but she’s now found herself with no friends.”
13. If You’re Here… Then Who Is Guarding Hades?
“Being dismissive of all your interests and achievements.
Meanwhile, everything they do, no matter how mundane, is amazing.”
14. No Being On The Fence About Boundaries
“You’ll gladly do a favor for them or help them out, but when you need something, they won’t do it, and act like you’re ridiculous for asking.
Also- when friends don’t respect boundaries.”
15. The Butt of Their Jokes
“Friends who are good to you when one on one but constantly put you down In group settings. This is a big sign of insecurity/jealousy. Other signs: inappropriate attention-seeking behaviors, trying to twist the situation on you when confronted about things, not respecting your boundaries, is super friendly with new people but in a disingenuous “I wanna be liked the most” way.
Constant gaslighting, getting mad at you for not going by the exact same moral playbook as them when in group settings they get really uncomfortable and try to change the subject or put you down extra if attention is on you, acting they like can take constructive feedback but actually taking it out on you in small ways throughout the rest of the day.”
16. I want a cheerleader!
“Someone who doesn’t cheer you on in life. I have a friend who decided to go into the same career as me. I got a summer job in my career recently. So I told her, and her response was silence and then a remark about how I might not be good at it.”
17. Where They At Tho?
“I feel kind of bad about this one, but if a person is in their twenties or thirties, and they say their best friend is a person they just met, be on guard. Because where are their other friends from the rest of their life?”
18. Tell Me You Don’t Like Me With Your Chest
“Subtle, underhanded criticisms or put-downs that they make in order to make themselves feel good or powerful. It’s obviously something that bullies do, but I’ve found that some ‘friends’ often do it as well, even if they like the person, probably out of insecurity.”
19. Please Don’t Involve Me Here
“When they try to get you involved in their drama that you have no place being involved in.”
20. You Gotta Be Yourself
“If you feel the need to change the way you act around them, they probably aren’t a real friend. I used to do this all the time. I acted like I was interested in all the same things as them and even tried to mimic the way they talked and stuff, but I never felt a connection because they were just friends with a ‘fake’ me. I started acting normally around them, and within a week or two, they wouldn’t even talk to me. Real friends should like you for who you are.”
21. It Could Rub Off On You
“This one’s just for us male-presenting folks: If they say completely different things when women aren’t around, and expect you to be ‘in’ on their code-switching, that means they’re misogynists. And besides the ick factor that comes with misogyny, this indicates that they’re going to be low-key toxic in their interactions with you. Don’t spend time around men who don’t respect women, even if you’re not a woman.”
22. What A Good Joke!
“Someone who says something offensive and then plays it off as a joke. My ex-friend said my clothing style was ugly. Then, when I told her that that isn’t nice, she told me to relax and that she’s just joking.”
23. Ugh Or Raising It Too Much. Let Me Relax.
“The biggest sign for me that a friendship isn’t healthy is if I feel like I’m lowering my moral standard to be in it — that I’m a worse version of myself, behaving in ways that go against my stated values. For me, a healthy friendship is one that helps you be the best version of yourself — a person you can be proud of.”
24. Something Ain’t Adding Up
“When your friend is always on their phone whenever they’re with you, but whenever you text them when you’re not with them, it’s always, ‘Sorry, I just saw this. Haven’t been on my phone all day.'”
25. Poof.
“If they ghost other friends, expect to be ghosted, too.”
26. Just say sorry!
“When they are someone who’s unable to apologize.”
27. This Doesn’t Feel Right
“If you can never point out their flaws, but they are willing to point out your flaws.”
28. Directions Unclear
During an argument, these two comments are made, or variations thereof, in this exact order: ‘Stop talking to me’ and ‘Why are you ignoring me?'”
29. Two Can Play At This Game
“I had a friend who would always tell the most embarrassing story about me to anyone new — my friends, her friends, people we just met. After I asked her to stop, she just kept doing it because it was so funny to her.”
30. Let’s See Other People…
“If you feel like you need to keep your guard up around your friend and constantly patrol your boundaries, that’s a pretty bad sign.”
All answers via Reddit.
