Lindsay
A healthy relationship with pornography is one where the consumer recognizes the porn they’re consuming is not real life.
But not everything in life can be healthy. Sometimes fantasy can creep into reality, which is what this recent r/askreddit thread is highlighting.
User boxonhead11 asked, “Ladies: What is a dead give-away that a man watches too much porn when he’s in bed with you?”
And let us tell you, the responses are good.
There really is too much of a good thing.
1. Blinding performance
My personal best: the first time we had sex he immediately pulled out and came all over my face blinding me…didn’t ask. Guess I shoulda worn goggles if I’d known I was going for a swim
2. Digital incompatibility
Fingering like he’s trying to manually rewind a VHS tape
3. Drum solo
One of my friends had her vagina tapped. Because the guy saw it in a porn. Kinda like a drum. She definitely did not enjoy it
4. Mr. Clean
When they’re trying to play with you but they start rubbing kinda randomly on the pussy but they rub it like they’re trying to get a really tough stain out. Guys if you rub so hard it bruises it really just hurts. Not enjoyable AT ALL
5. Come commander
Expecting that I can have an orgasm just because he told me to. Taking a super long time to finish, or expecting oral for 45+ minutes (bonus points if they think they can just whip their dick out in the middle of hanging out and you’ll get down on your knees.)
6. He WHAT
When you give him a blow job and he asks if you came.
7. He W H A T!?
When he’s watching porn in bed with me and gets out his phone to watch his own porn.
8. No foreplay
Lack. Of. Foreplay.
9. Bad dialogue
“You like this dick? Yeah?”
10. Bad match
Rubbing the clit like you’re trying to start a fire. Please slow down.
Also, spit is not lube!
11. Surprise
Way too many men think anal can just happen and be tried out of the blue. If you aren’t willing to take the time and care about someone’s well-being just go masturbate by yourself.
12. Great expectations
They expect you to squirt like a lawn sprinkler when they start fingering you like a jack hammer (no lube of course).
13. Stop slapping
They try to do dirty talk but just end up sounding gross and ruining the mood, trying stuff they saw in a porn and finding out the position isn’t a good fit for you guys due to the size of you and them. Something that may look hit in the porn you watched may be really awkward when you physically try it out. Slapping the vagina is not fun it does not feel good it. They take it way to seriously, me and my partner have has laughing fits because of weird noises that can be heard because lots of moving. Sex is much more enjoyable when the person you are with is someone you can be yourself around and that you can joke around with. And I’ll say it again slapping the vagina isn’t that hot and it just sounds like you’re slapping someone across the face with a fish stop it. Foreplay is important for both parties not just you. You should also care about your partner getting off not just you getting off.
14. Know when to fold ’em
Him treating me like a piece of origami paper
15. Choke artist
Immediate choking
16. Dead giveaway
Calls you by a pornstars name on accident 🙁
17. Bad director
He literally asked me to “make faces”, like tongue out and eyes to the ceiling, and scream with a baby voice something about his cock. I found it a really humiliating request and refused.
18. Pop star
When he sucks on your tits, trying to get as much in his mouth as possible, and then pulls his head back so you can hear the “pop” of the suction breaking while he inhales super loudly, over and over and over.
When he breathes through his mouth while making out with you.
When you say something isn’t working for you, he says “No one else had any issues before”. Right.
19. Sore feelings
Vulvasore
20. Tasteless
Expecting you to love the taste of sucking d or love swallowing. Like I enjoy making my partners feel good but if there’s zero consideration for my feelings it’s incredibly hard to get into it and do a good job. Not to mention not showering before asking for head…. yuck
Lead image: Unsplash
