Rachel Kiley
In modern society, it’s more common to take the time to get to know someone before getting married. You might date for a few years, even move in with each other, and then, eventually, go ahead and tie the knot. There’s plenty of time to learn everything you might want to know before making your relationship legally binding in the eyes of the government.
But still, some things tend to stay secret, either by chance or by very, very careful design. Redditors got together to share some of the most surprising things they didn’t discover about their spouse until after saying “I do,” both the good and the bad. Read on if you want to think outside of the box regarding what sorts of questions you should go ahead and ask your significant other, like, right now.
1.
That she was a lesbian.
2.
That my wife eats pancakes from the center out.
3.
That she loads the dishwasher like an asshole. It’s my biggest complaint about her. I’m a lucky man.
4.
I confess I didn’t tell my wife that I had a magic the gathering collection worth thousands of dollars until after we were married.
5.
That she had been married 6 other times. (yes, that’s a six). She said, “Only two counted because they lasted more than a year”.
6.
My mom told my dad that she’s a few months younger than him. Six months into the marriage, my dad finds out that she’s three years older.
7.
That my husband did not know the Northern and Southern Hemispheres experienced opposite seasons. I love him. I do not want to our children to be in the same school district he was.
8.
That she doesn’t close any doors! Getting a glass for a drink? Door stays open! Getting silverware? Drawer stays open! Taking a shit? Door stays open! …WOMAN FUCKING CLOSE SHIT.
9.
I have been married for almost 8 years, and we dated for 7 years before that. Literally found out last month that my husband can juggle. Like, he can legitimately juggle 3 balls. My jaw hit the floor.
10.
After getting married, like a week after. I found out that my wife could not ride a bicycle. We went on a bike ride with a bunch of people and she immediately ate shit in the middle of the street. I felt horrible for her.
11.
We have been together 15 years and married for 7, we are watching tv the other day and someone starts speaking German and there are no subtitles – he translates it, like it’s no big thing. I’m like who ARE you? Apparently he’s watched so many war movies he speaks conversational German.
12.
My husband has some kind of crazy allergic mutation that makes lemons like sulfuric acid on his tongue. For serious, his tongue gets burned. To be fair, he didn’t know that was unusual until after we got married. My fav dessert is lemon bars and he thought I just liked burning my own face off.
13.
He has a watermelon problem. Like. He will sit down and eat an ENTIRE FUCKING 12 pound watermelon. Then get VERY ill, spend half the day pissing, complain about his awful stomach ache, curl up and writhe around for a while…then GO BACK to scavenging the rind for any bits he missed.
14.
After being married for almost 4 years I learned my wife can play guitar, like incredibly well. She saw an acoustic at the flea market 2 weeks ago and she just picked it up and started playing. My jaw f*cking dropped. I bought it for her and now she is teaching me how to play.
15.
I met my husband online–okcupid. I found out right before we got married, after dating for 5 years and living together for 3, that the picture of him posted on the site was staged–a profile of him using a camera timer in his room alone while holding a beer and talking to no one. I don’t know which cracks me up more that I couldn’t tell or that he kept the secret for so long.
16.
Not me but: My cousin changed her last name to her husbands 10 days after they met. She didn’t tell him this until they were married for 3 years and had a kid already. She said that, looking back on it, it looks psychotic. Yet, getting your name changed after filling out the paperwork for being a teacher is apparently a bitch to do. She figured she met ‘The One’ (not Jet Li), so she took his last name.
17.
I didn’t learn this until after 17 years of marriage. My wife passed away. At the funeral I met her ex-husband, her 22 year old son who she hadn’t seen for 19 years, and her other 20 year old son who she gave up for adoption (from a different father). I never knew any of them existed until the night before the funeral when her best friend asked if I minded if they came.
18.
I didn’t realize until after we lived together that she can’t keep the bathroom floor dry. When she showers, I feel as though half of the time she points the shower head at the ground outside the shower. When she gets out, I imagine her shaking her body off in canine fashion. If she washes her face at the sink, I visualize her saying “one handful of water for me, one handful for you” (to the floor)
19.
That she is an animal magnet, akin to Snow White. If there is an any animal, small or large, wild or tame, that is nearby she will ignore everything else and call to it, and it will be friendly and approach her as if under a spell. Then my father in law tells me that when she was a kid, she “adopted” all the stray cats in the neighborhood and there would be like ten of them in their backyard at any given time. I had to stop her from charming a raccoon the other day. She finds skunks adorable. All these animals are suspiciously now regular guests in our backyard. I am pretty sure she’s secretly feeding them.
20.
He knew women had periods. He had no idea periods involved blood. He thought it was just abdominal cramping or something. We even lived together for a year before we got married and he never figured this out until after we were married when we got a new dresser. I threw all the underwear, both his and mine in the same drawer since it was a smaller dresser. He saw my bloodstained period panties and started crying because he thought I was dying and had been hiding it from him. I then had to explain to my 28-year-old husband what exactly a period is.
21.
I was getting dinosaur stuff for our boy, and his mother said something along the lines of “I don’t like dinosaurs and am happy they are not real.”
I chuckled, thinking she meant she is relieved her life is not like Jurassic Park, being chased by these giant predators. Nope. Turned out she believes dinosaurs never walked this earth. I had known her for 6 solid years, and this completely blew me away, side swiping me with horror….
She thinks people are guessing when the put partial bones together, and just fabricate these creatures…
