My wife said I need to grow up.
I was speechless.
It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 11, 2018
wife [on phone] Did you preheat the oven like I asked?
wife: What temperature?
wife: That’s the clock
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) April 16, 2017
There needs to be a flame font for when I’m rage-texting my husband.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 23, 2018
my wife just dropped ‘your father’ in a sentence so I guess I better go change these relaxed fit cargo shorts to the serious slacks
— velour sweatpants (@Glennot73) June 29, 2018
I told my wife that my shoulder hurt too bad after lifting weights to run the vacuum so I learned how to vacuum lefthanded today.
— Stephen_With_A_Ph (@with_a_ph23) May 23, 2018
I tried on an outfit and asked husband if he liked that one or the next one best…then went into the closet and came out with the exact same outfit on and he looked at me and dead ass said, “Definitely the first one.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 19, 2018
Wife: You did not buy a motorcycle!
Me: *standing next to motorcycle* but look *points to saddle bag*
Wife: OMG IT HAS POCKETS! HOW CUTE!
— oldbi (@ThaJawn) August 9, 2018
The best marriages are never separated more than six degrees on the thermostat setting.
— DevilryFun (@DevilryFun) July 28, 2018
FaceTime with my husband and I asked to talk to the dog.
— Lisabug BBQJonze (@Lisabug74) July 26, 2018
Peacock: *spreads feathers at me*
Husband: It’s trying to attract you as a mate
Me: *shyly lifts top*
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) August 21, 2018