Tumblr user alarajrogers went viral for creating an explanation of how “friendzoning” really makes total sense.
The original post that Alara J. Rogers read had a screenshot of two tweets, one quoting the other.
One tweet, with gross sexism, reads: “A woman’s idea of ‘Let’s just be friends’ is ‘Hey listen to all my problems and keep me company…while I have sex with someone else.”
@Mommaafro_ responds: “So a woman’s idea of being friends is being friends?”
And in Alara’s post after the tweets, she writes that that completely makes sense. Because of social and cultural mores, men are not given a safe space to explore their feelings. Ergo, they tend to rely completely on their romantic partners for a deep emotional safe space for those feelings.
Women, however, do not experience that kind of socialization. They develop deeper, more emotional relationships because they do not have to create a safe zone for themselves. A friendship is “someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.”
Some men think, Alara explains, that sharing emotions is a romantic thing. Women consider it simply a friend thing at its core. This creates confusion for the men, who think there is a romantic element to a relationship when there never was.
Hurt feelings arise on both sides. “So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship.”
Alara finishes by saying that it’s important for boys to be taught to show emotions and love their friends.
The post went viral on Tumblr at over 425,000 likes and reblogs.