Money is the root of many problems — problems most of us have experienced. Whether it’s paying for bills, being in an unequal partnership, or worrying how to house your family, money — or the lack thereof — can dictate a person’s entire life.
Knowing our relationship with money, it makes sense that many romantic, platonic, and familial relationships have been ruined as a result of money.
Online, it’s common to find threads with this topic, with people searching for advice or just looking for an empathetic ear to listen.
Below are some examples from the internet that show how thin green paper has the ability to tear people apart.
“I broke up with a now-ex because I wanted to go back to school. He was supportive until I realized I miscalculated how much I would have to borrow. Only then, once he heard that, did his true colors show. I was suddenly not smart enough to pass my classes and would never be able to find a job and pay off my loans. He even asked how much money he would have to give me to make me forget about going. So I dumped him, went back to school, and never looked back.”
“My friend’s grandpa was (allegedly) killed by his brother when they disagreed on whether to keep the family farm or sell it to a large corporation. The farm was valued in the millions and one brother wouldn’t sell his share, he disappeared one night and no one heard from him again. The other brother sold the farm and cut his brother’s kids out of the deal, becoming a wealthy man overnight and leaving his nieces and nephews destitute.”
“My boyfriend (now ex) really wanted to go to Peru on vacation. Always been a dream of his. I didn’t have the funds to purchase a $700 plane ticket to Peru yet he really wanted to go! So he offered to purchase my ticket. After I stated several times he didn’t have to do that, he still wanted to. Jump to months later after the trip when he brings it up in conversation of him, wanting me to pay him back. Excuse me? You offered to pay for it! We didn’t break up solely from this one incident, but it was one of many in a long list.”
“Last night my boyfriend Dave and I were woken up at 2:00 AM by his car alarm going off and our dog going nuts barking. We jump up thinking someone is trying to steal the car to find out that it is in fact a tow truck, and Dave’s car was being repossessed.
Dave and I have been living together for 10 years. We have no kids. Dave and I lived a bit of a punk rock “party” lifestyle growing up, but have always worked, been self sufficient and kept a roof over our heads. In recent years I have been working my ass off to get my credit score right and pay off debt with the intention of getting married and buying a house. Ya know, shit people do in their 30’s. I thought that Dave was as well, as that is what he let on, but I guess I was mistaken.
In the past, Dave has proven himself to be bad at money and good at ignoring responsibility. Since we’ve been together he’s opened credit cards, maxed them out, and blew off the payments, our utility bill that he is responsible for is perpetually in collections about to be shut off, and he owes over $10k to the IRS due to choosing the wrong deductions on his W4 since like 2011. He and I had a long talk about this situation and I was assured that he was working on it and getting his shit together.
Well, I was proved wrong when a tow truck was dragging his car out of our driveway at 2:00 in the morning. He blew off his car payment for no good reason, didn’t tell me he was behind or ask for help, and he didn’t ask the bank for an extension. He just flat out ignored it.
Dave contacted the bank today and was told that if he would have let them know he was having difficulty paying they would have worked with him, but since he had no contact with them for over 30 days they took the car. Now he’s going to have a repossession on his credit report for literally no good reason.
Am I justified in giving him a bit of an ultimatum to either shape up or ship out? I love him, he is my best friend, but I feel like I’m trying my hardest to take the next step in life and he is tumbling backwards.”
“My ex didn’t have a job and wasn’t looking for a job. I paid for food, dates, even gave him some money for rent once. I worked a full-time job and did everything. The tipping point was when we got in a fight and he said that he deserved to be treated like a king!!!! Like excuse me, YOU haven’t done shit… Long story short, we broke up and he moved back in with his parents.”
“My 81-year-old uncle tried to scam my mother out of her share of my 102-year-old grandmother’s life savings, not even by the usual scumfuckery of getting the will changed but by conning her into giving him the full amount before she even died (she still might have needed that money for medical problems). My mother walked in on them while my grandmother was starting to write the check and it crushed her – she had always looked up to her older brother as a father figure. This was after my mother had been my grandmother’s exclusive caretaker for 25 years.”
“One of my first boyfriends was the worst. He refused to work, so I worked full-time at a hospital. He made me quit my job because he thought I was cheating instead of going to work. After we ran out of money, he made me go sell my plasma for money but he wouldn’t do so himself. Also anytime I got a phone, he would take it and go sell it. It was a horrible relationship and I hope no one has to go through what I did.”
“I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He makes me so happy and it’s the first time I genuinely feel unconditional love towards someone. He’s very good to me emotionally and physically, but there’s been a minor setback in our relationship that I don’t know if I should be so…upset with.
I recently got promoted (6 months ago) where I am making double the amount I was before. Around the same time, he quit his job and he has yet to find one since. I’m 23 and living with my father so my expenses are basically phone bill, car payment, and insurance. I have a lot of potential to be saving but here’s the problem- he is 27 and jobless. I’ve paid his rent 3 out of the 6 months, and just helped him pay half this past month. I pay for all food, events, anywhere we go, anything we do. He hasn’t drvien since I met him, so I literally take him everywhere. He is not exactly the verbal type to thank me and show appreciation, but I think its been minimal because he’s embarrassed. But I’m embarrassed that instead of just having to support myself, I have to support him. Did I metion he’s not looking for a job since he doesn’t just “wanna do whatever” this time around?
Before he quit he took me out to occasional dinners, got me nice xmas and birthday gifts and took all my friends out to a nice restaurant on my birthday as well.
At one point I thought we were going to be successful and travel the world, buy a house… Now I don’t even know if I see a future, if this is what the future looks like every time he impulsively decides to quit a job.
I try not to bring it up, it turns into a fight about how I’m not being patient enough for him to figure things out.
“so me and my wife have been having trouble with our relationship ever since our daughter was born. The problems all stem from money.
so we’ve been together 13 years. Around 2 and a half years ago we bought our first house a few months before our daughter was born. The mortgage is expensive but we could afford it on our combined wages. She earns more than me, nearly double. I earn 20k and she earns 38k. When her maternity leave ended we decided that i would reduce my hours to cover childcare. So i went down to 3 days a week, she went down to 4. I look after our daughter 2 days a week, her mother has her 2 days and my wife has her 1 day. The fact that she only gets the one day a week makes her feel like she is missing out. I feel like this is causing a lot of resentment towards me although it makes financial sense.
I am due to start a two year masters program in September. It is in a field where jobs are extremely in demand and i will match her wages when qualified. During this period finances will be very tight and i think its causing us both a lot of stress.
We’ve been arguing for the past few days about our spending. Neither of us spend money frivolously. Any big purchases we always discuss. This argument was about me buying 3 bottles of beer. At the weekends she will spend money on food out etc so I see it as even but she said that she feels we’re not on the same page with our spending.
The whole situation is having such a negative effect on our relationship. I feel resented for not being the main bread winner and for spending more time with our daughter. I feel like it’s not fair because we knew our financial situation before having our daughter. I feel like it’s all that matters anymore. All of the positive aspects of me dont meam anything now because money is all that matters.
Whenever we try and talk it just turns into an argument because we both feel defensive. I want to make this work but now shes saying she wants to end it and move in with her mother so she can spend time with our daughter. Has anyone had a similar situation and worked through it?
“My ex was going through some very serious mental health problems that legitimately made it impossible for him to leave his study, much less leave the house to work. I loved him and did everything I could to support him and get him the help he needed to be able to function again.
After years of being the single income and going into debt paying out of pocket for both his healthcare and just trying to keep our heads above water, I was at the point of burnout from the stress and constant overtime. I BEGGED him to get even a part-time job just to take on some of the burden. He both refused and broke up with me cuz I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. Over the next year, he both asked for money and got intensely angry at me that he had to get a job. I loved him so much but I will never again break myself for someone else. Ten years later, I’m still struggling with that debt and my own mental health issues that were exacerbated by the aftermath. Please learn this lesson. Self-sacrifice to the extent that you wear yourself into the ground isn’t love and it isn’t the right thing to do, no matter how much you love and want someone.”