There are countless Internet articles about relationship red flags—what to look out for when you first start dating somebody, or, what Urban Dictionary defines as “a term used to describe when somebody has a feeling that they are potentially dealing with a manipulative and/or possibly psychotic or sociopathic individual. It’s usually used to explain a feeling after the fact.” But what about friendship red flags?
While those articles list red flags for romantic partners pretty clearly—they ghost on you, they refuse to introduce you to their family or friends after 6 months of dating, they eat all your leftovers—these signs aren’t always as applicable or obvious when it comes to friendship. In fact, there are many folks out there who seem to have gotten burned by a person they thought was a “new friend,” which is probably why this AskReddit question about friendship red flags posed by u/wrightentertainment racked up so many responses:
“What’s an immediate red flag when trying to make friends?” they asked. And boy did the friendship red flags stand out.
Someone who always sees themselves as the victim even when they’re in the wrong—u/Horror-mrs
They hit you up and act all friendly, make tentative plans, then immediately ask for something—u/im_a_bullfrog
They don’t ask you any questions about you but will talk about themselves all day long—u/pluggyjf
“Mind if I smoke” Then they pull out a meth pipe—u/spoonythirtywon
If one of the first conversation you have with people ends up with them bad mouthing their other friends, I’d keep my distance. Because you know deep down that they will talk like that about you too.—u/matertua
if you feel like you have to change yourself to get along with them—u/coolshtuff
Asking to “borrow” money—u/theirphore
Instantly wanna spend time with me 24/7 and gets offended and takes it personally if I can’t hang out or simply don’t want to.—u/viking162
Like romantic relationships, people moving too fast. I fell into two relationships like this -one where the woman called me her “best friend” after knowing each other less than a month and the other a woman asking me to be her bridesmaid after only hanging out together about 5 times. They both turned out to be awful narcissists and were likely using love bombing to earn my friendship.—u/Bobcatluv
When they keep trying to top you. “Oh yeah? well I did THIS!”—u/millsgamedev