Kate Hackett
While I know that polyamory is a form of relationship, I’ve also always known that it really isn’t for me. So if my significant other genuinely wanted an open relationship, I think it would break my heart but I would have to leave.
Redditor u/MuchLoveWaffleGirl asked Reddit:
“What would you do if your SO ask you to have an Open Relationship?”
And people explained what their responses would be. We found some of the best answers and compiled them below.
1. Moving out
She asked. I said no. She did it anyway. I’m in the process of moving out.
2. Divorce
She asked. I said yes, we agreed to polyamory.
She was already having an affair for the past three months before the conversation.
Nine year marriage.
Filed Complaint to Divorce last week.
3. Deal breaker?
I would not want to take an established monogamous relationship and turn it into an open one. I’d say I’m not interested, and I would ask them if that was a deal breaker for them.
4. Why?
I’d say no, but I would want to sit and have several conversations about why they wanted that and how we can retool our relationship if that’s what’s needed. It could ultimately lead to an ending, but he’s my person – I’m not throwing that away when it could be salvaged.
5. Killed it
I actually said yes, and it killed the relationship very quickly. It was not that much of a stretch for us. We would participate in group scenes but we always came as a pair. There were never any issues, and it even brought us closer together. We were able to flirt as a team and explore our sexualities. There was never any jealousy. But when she requested we open it up, she also started ignoring our explicit, agreed-upon terms. More than any physical act, that felt like cheating. And when I spoke up about it, I got dumped.
6. Nope.
I would say no because I am not interested in sleeping with other people and I know having my partner sleep with others would not maintain our emotional bond. I would consider leaving because while open relationships work for a lot of people, my partner asking me to open would show a great misunderstanding of who I am and what I’ve been through. A big enough misunderstanding of who I am at my core that we should not be together.
7. Divorce!
Let’s get the divorce papers and open it all the way up!
8. Terrible idea
Don’t do it. My best friend and his wife are in an open relationship right now and it’s going badly. It was fine at first, but now their marriage is in shambles because she caught feelings for one of the guys she has been having sex with and now that guy is threatening to put my friend in the hospital if he doesn’t leave. He has spent the last 2 weekends with me in my apartment because the guy has been spending time at his house, with his wife. He is so fucking sad. I can see the pain in his eyes while he tells me about it.
9. Talk it over
I would ask them why they suddenly want an open relationship after dating me for so long, and be honest with them. I would tell them that open relationships aren’t something I’m comfortable with because I like monogamy. If they can’t be happy with me in a monogamous relationship, then it would be over
10. Simple
Break up.
11. Bye!
I was asked. I said no. Things carried on as normal for a few months. Then I found out that the reason she asked was because she was cheating on me.
12. Single
If I wanted an open relationship then I would just remain single.
13. Broke me
Well I agreed, but only out of fear of losing her. It broke me. And I lost her anyway to a guy she met in a swinger club and who basically could be her father. Never again. Also everyone I know who did it learned the hard way shit like this doesn’t work out in like 99 percent of cases.
14. Monogamist
I’m a stark monogamist. I’d probably leave the relationship. If it’s a marriage, well that’s trickier
15. It was terrible
I was young and had no experience it was my first boyfriend and I had a lot of family problems so I was afraid of being alone. I accepted it and was a mistake. We broke up six months in to the “Open relationship” deal and I was left feeling really empty. Funny how he got married with one of the girls he met in that period. He now is recently single after a nasty divorce. Domestic abuse, cheating, etc.
16. Like a rock
Mine asked me 7 months ago and I stupidly accepted (I’m monogamous still) and it hurts, even on the best days I think about it. I’ve told him how I felt about it, but he said he loves the other person too much to end it. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, and it hit like a rock.
17. Talk
Sit down and discuss. Depending on the reasons it will be the end of a relationship or not. If it’s not the end then we’re establishing boundaries and going forward. Part of that conversation is stating your own feelings, truthfully. If you have any uneasy feelings or outright fears they must be discussed.
18. Mixed bag
Already responded for myself. But another story, my sister is bi and my brother in law said he was okay if she dated women but not men. She did and enjoyed that time. After that she decided she was comfortable if he wanted to date some women. They set parameters before hand and were very open. In the end they both realized that they had the fun they wanted and decided to not see other people. So it’s a mixed bag. It depends on the people, communication levels, established bonds, and trust.
19. Not for me
Say its not for me and if they want to go ahead then we have to end things. I was briefly the other person in an open marriage, after a few months it was difficult to know if the husband or myself was more miserable. Might work for some people but not for me.
20. Want their needs met
I honestly would love to have the discussion with them and feel a little relieved.
Due to my personal health/stress/schedule I know I am not meeting their needs fully. I also don’t like having to compromise and have a miserable time. I do, however, want their needs met and them to flourish.
There would have to be some serious rules, but I definitely think it’d work out for the best.
I also would love the opportunity to explore my sexuality as well. I’m perfectly fine with not ever having those experiences, but if it were an option I’d love to know.
Something else I feel is important to say, especially since I haven’t seen anyone else say it- I want my partner to feel comfortable bringing ANYTHING to me. I think a healthy realtionship is one where everyone feels comfortable to bring up absolutely anything without being met with hostility and ultimatums. If I haven’t done my part to foster that relationship then I have failed my partner.
I think I might be gay, I think I might be trans, I think I might want to explore, I think I want to change careers, I think I want to change religions, I think my needs have changed, whatever it may be- I want to be a safe space for them.
