Nate Armbruster
Intimacy in long-term relationships will vary in frequency throughout life. There will be times you can’t keep your hands off of each other, and others where you may have a dry spell.
For some, this isn’t a problem but sometimes the frustrations can become a real issue. If it’s not addressed it can cause real problems for the relationship. Take this story shared in Reddit’s AITA community for example.
This guy claims his. wife of 8 years won’t “put out”
He confronted her after trying everything and said that he will go elsewhere for sex if she won’t put out, so he wants to know if he’s an a-hole. There is of course more to this story, so I will let him explain.
Here’s What He Had To Say
AITA For telling my wife I’ll get sex somewhere else if she won’t put out?
OP Explains:
Been married for 8 years. 31 years old. No kids
My wife and I both have great jobs. No plans for kids.
I need to know what people think of this scenario.
Let me first say I literally worship the ground my wife walks on. I’m obsessed with her and she knows it. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I’m always trying to show affection in any way I can to let her know how much I care about her. I’m constantly making her dinner (almost daily even though I work), taking her on SURPRISE vacations to tropical places (her fav type), and just always trying to make sure she has anything she could ever want or need.
My wife will not put it out. At all. I’m talking once a month IF I’M LUCKY. And I have to beg for it. I’ve tried asking her why and she just says she doesn’t want to or doesn’t care.
I’ve asked her to visit relationship coaches/therapists with me that could maybe help us with this issue, maybe talk through why she doesn’t have any sex drive. She will not do it. Whenever I bring it up she just gets mad and says I need to just deal with it.
I don’t feel desired or attracted to at all. It never used to be this way. She jokes that “Well I’m not trying to impress you anymore, we are already married” but I don’t find it funny.
As a male I have needs. I’ve told her if she doesn’t put out I will just go get it somewhere else. I can’t help but feel like an asshole for that, but I don’t want to be in a sexless relationship.
And for those who think I’m the asshole…please help! I genuinely mean that. I need advice!!
Needless to say, commenters had thoughts about OP’s situation. Many responded with advice while others criticized him for the way he’s handling this situation
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After His Post Went Viral, He Responded To Commenters In An Update To His Post
Edit: Wow this post really blew up. Thank you everyone for all the great comments. I’m trying my best to respond to each of them individually but there are so many.
To answer some FAQs: She’s on birth control, she’s in great shape though. We both are. I go to the gym 5-6 days per week. I’m not a bodybuilder but I’m healthy and toned. She runs a lot so she’s in great shape as well.
Before I told her “I’ll get it somewhere else” I expressed my concerns to her several times to no avail. It’s like she doesn’t care what I have to say. I’ve tried wording it in different ways, expressing it in loving ways, frustrating ways, and depressing ways. (It really is depressing sometimes). I’ve told her it literally breaks my heart that she won’t be intimate with me. Also, it’s not just that. She will barely hug or kiss me either.
She’s not cheating. 100% positive about that. It’s just not who she is. She’s not on anti-depressants of any kind Stress from her job isn’t a factor, she doesn’t take her work home with her and she loves her job. She has a great work/life balance
