Masha
Nothing is perfect, and relationships are no exception to that rule. You’re just gonna mess up.
Sometimes you mess up small, and sometimes you f**k it all to hell.
The following people shared their most chaotic relationship stories in the TIFU Reddit, and gonna be honest, you may cry at a few.
Some comments have been edited lightly for grammar and clarity
1.
From Redditor u/OnwardTogether83:
“My husband and I have been married for 5 and a half years now. My husband was raised by a single mom, and my mom passed when I was 16, so each of us only had one parent at the wedding.
Our parents met during the wedding planning, and quickly discovered how much they had in common and how well they got along. After a few too many glasses of wine, they danced together at the wedding reception.
We noticed a little bit of flirtation between them, but didn’t think much of it until they started seeing each other regularly after the wedding, going out together for drinks, going on walks together, going fishing together. Even though it was a little weird for us that our parents were ambiguously and later officially dating each other, we truly didn’t care because they just seemed so happy.
Yesterday, my husband walked his mom down the aisle to meet my dad at the altar. My husband’s mom and my dad said their vows, and became husband and wife. And my husband and I became… stepsiblings.
TL;DR: My husband’s mom and my dad started a romance at our wedding, and yesterday they got married, which makes my husband and I technically stepsiblings.“
2.
From Redditor u/pllaidllama:
“I was being a trash goblin last night and staying up into the wee hours to eat easter candy and play video games, which I don’t do that often.
Anyway, does anyone else enjoy robins eggs? Those neon-colored malted milk ball eggs they sell this time of year? Well, as a kid I used to do this stupid thing where I would lick them and smear the color all over my lips because hey, free lipstick! Do not ask what compelled me to do this, but I did this last night with a blue one.
Then, of course, because I am a trash goblin I forgot all about it, fell asleep slack-jawed upright on the couch with the lights on and TV still going. The next thing I know there’s shouting, panicking sounds, and I’m being shaken violently, and by the time I come to I see my husband fumbling with his phone?
I kind of… flapped my arms angrily and said something like, “Whazwrongwitchyou?!”
Yeah, he had been about to call 911 because he just walked out on his wife passed out with blue lips, he thought I was choking. He was pretty incensed when I told him it was candy, it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever had to explain in our whole marriage.
TL;DR: I accidentally did a candy-coated imitation of the recently deceased causing my husband to panic and nearly call an ambulance.“
3.
From Redditor u/BLINDANDREFINED:
“Like many other unfortunate souls, my nonexistent dating life has me turning to dating apps. This particular one is from Tinder.
I’d been chatting with this guy a few days, and everything was going swimmingly. We had so much in common and were looking for the same things. His pictures were cute, and he didn’t live too far away. All seemed well.
I invited him over to grill out some burgers in my backyard. He asked if he could bring anything – I said sure bring some bacon for the burgers! He agreed and said he’d be over soon.
Given his distance, I expected him to be over in ~15 minutes. I started the grill and seasoned the burgs. Half an hour later, he messaged me, “I’ve driven by a couple of times and chickened out. Are you sure you want me to come over?” Maybe a red flag, but I chalked it up to nerves and just said come on I’m hungry.
So this Hagrid-looking guy shows up, much different than his Cedric picture. That’s alright, I can move past that. From the minute he walked up, and I kid you not, he did NOT take a breath. Within the first five minutes, I knew his life story from his aunt who hated their grandma to his father who likes to collect taxidermy. Not a single breath.
Again, I figured he was just nervous. I put the burgers on, and when they’re ready he pulls out a Ziploc from his POCKET with two pieces of bacon in it. He puts them only on his burger. Okay…
We sit down at the patio table to start eating (I finished my burger before he even started his – he did NOT stop talking the entire time). When we sit down, he reaches into his pocket out pulls out… a vial? It is about 2 inches tall with a cork in it. It’s filled with black powder.
He must have noticed me staring at it flipping between if he was about to snort something strange or build some sand-art. He said, “Oh,” all super casual. “I’d like to INTRODUCE YOU TO MY MOTHER.”
I just stared at him for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or run. “I like to bring her to any important event in my life. She also has ashes in this necklace I’m wearing, and in this ring I have on, and this half-sleeve tattoo is for her.”
Now, mind you, I’ve lost too many people close to me, and I do not judge people based on their grief cycles, we all cope differently and I respect that. But homeboy brought a VIAL of his mother’s ashes and set them on the table for our FIRST date. I simply could not.
He finally finished his burger and I made some excuse about having to clock in and finish some work… at 9:30 pm. He texted me before he even got to his car and told me, “My mother really liked you, I can’t wait to see you again.”
I told him I didn’t feel the connection – to him, or his mother.
TL;DR: Tinder date brought his mother to our first date… in an unconventional way.“
4.
From Redditor u/Dirty_Toothbrushes:
I recently proposed to my long-term girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately due to the nature of my work we have to move soon and having a real wedding before then would be impossible. I got off work early today and after getting home my fiancée asked if we could go get some paperwork notarized for our courthouse wedding we planned to have in a month or two.
We hopped in the car with a form we printed off the county website and drove to the closest UPS, the notary checked our IDs and had us sign and then she signed, notarized the form, and said congratulations. Cool, now all we have to do is go to the courthouse on a day of our choosing to be wed.
My fiancée called the courthouse afterward double checking to see if we needed to bring anything else and after calling me her boyfriend the lady on the phone corrected her by saying “husband.” She then told my fiancée our state no longer requires a ceremony with the judge at the courthouse. That form is literally the marriage certificate and she is now married.
Whoops! We had a honeymoon picnic at a park near a lake.
TL;DR: A UPS worker officially married me and my wife without us knowing.“
5.
From Redditor u/whatmia:
“I used to be a wedding photographer and sometimes people get married at the courthouse then have a friend and family reception at a later date. So they are technically married when I first meet them.
One day… I’m having a consultation, they bring a child, maybe 8 years old, and we put him in front of the office tv while we talk. Again not uncommon for courthouse marriage couples to already have kids together.
The meeting goes well and they write me a deposit check. The check has both their names on it and the last names are the same.
My brain does maths and I figure… Joint checking account + same last name + kid in tow = they are already married so I say…”You two are prepared, you already have new checks printed with the same last name.” To which the bride to be replies… “I’m kinda still married to his brother.” And she ended that story with “…most of his family doesn’t approve.”
I was mortified and tongue-tied not knowing what to say next as we continued to plan a wedding between this little boy’s Mom and his new “Uncle Dad” as he watched cartoons in front of my TV.
TL;DR: Asked a couple if they were married as they hired me to be their wedding photographer and the answer was no. She had the same last name because she was still married to his brother.“
6.
From Redditor u/Bouchie_1856:
“My wife has a history of startling/scaring me easily due to me being deaf in one ear from tinnitus which has dramatically decreased my situational awareness. She finds it hilarious and I’ve grown to tolerate it cause of love and all.
I decided my time for revenge had come.
Cut to dinner time, about to boil a box of rigatoni pasta when the inspiration hits me from a video on social media I saw. I hide a piece of that rigatoni between my teeth and make my way into the living room where my wife was relaxing on the couch after a long day of being a nurse.
“Hey sweetheart, do you mind rubbing my neck? I feel like I have a knot in it or something” I ask her. At this point, I can barely contain my excitement for this amazing prank as she happily begins massaging my neck for me.
After 30-45 seconds, I then bite down hard on that piece of uncooked rigatoni which released a sickening yet satisfying crunch sound. I give a little “ow” sound and immediately go limp, falling face-first into the couch.
Now my wife is mostly a calm, non-emotional type of person, but her visceral reaction of terror and worry and panic came flooding out of her while she started to shake my limp body and began to check my vitals made me feel guilty I’ve never felt before.
After only a short time I give up on the ruse and show her it was just pasta. To say she was livid is an understatement.
Been sleeping on the couch ever since. Worth it.
TL;DR: I revenge pranked my wife by making her think she broke my neck. “
7.
From Redditor u/Moocow870:
“My wife hates orange and lime flavored candies. I love them. Well, love the orange, like the lime. So, she passes on the orange starburst to me. She passes the orange and green skittles to me. She passes the orange and green gummy bears to me. This has been happening for 13 years.
What she doesn’t know is that the green Haribo gummy bears are actually strawberries. Shortly after we married, for one reason or another, I looked at the back of the Haribo gummy bears package and discovered this.
I haven’t said anything for 13 years. Every time we get gummy bears, she gives me the orange and green (strawberry). I’ve never said a word. I’ve enjoyed eating my little lies.
Until last night… We had some gummy bears and she opened them and she started to hand me the orange and green ones. But after a few minutes, I saw her looking at the back of the bag. Then I saw her eyes get REAL BIG.
She turned to me and asked if I’ve known that the green bears were strawberry. She always thought they were lime. I was honest and nodded my head yes. The look of betrayal was unreal….
She asked how long I’ve known, and I was honest. I told her as long as we’ve been married. She quit giving me the gummy bears she didn’t like. She was even eating the orange ones out of spite.
I don’t think I’ll get any more gummy bear discards after this. Time to buy my own.
TL;DR: For 13 years, I never corrected my wife by telling her she gave me strawberry gummy bears when she thought they were lime. Now she knows and is spite eating my favorites.“
8.
From Redditor u/RanPastIt:
“We’ve been together a year and some change. Live together. She uses a flip phone for reasons that are too long to get into, so she will occasionally use my phone when she needs to check her email or download music.
I have issues with memory, short and long. But today I woke up and was chilling for a bit while my girl was at work. Suddenly I thought “Oh sh*t, what’s my GF’s birthday?”
I knew what month it was in, but I couldn’t remember if it was the 8th or 9th. That’s okay, I thought, I’ll go dig around a bit. Surely there’s some paperwork around the house that has her birthday on it. Spoiler: there wasn’t.
I’m definitely not asking her friends or family as they’ll surely tell her I forgot. So I do what any reasonable guy does, and I Google background check services. Enter her name and city, and for $7.99 I receive an email with every traffic ticket, address, and phone number she’s ever had. Most importantly though, is her birthday.
I write her birthday down in a safe spot and then go back to chilling. All is well. She gets home when she asks to use my phone to read her email. I completely obliviously give it to her. She opens it, and immediately she sees a full background check on herself.
I knew exactly what happened once her face changed. She immediately asked why I was background checking her, a year into our relationship, and then started getting emotional, asking if I didn’t trust her, etc.
This is the first relationship I’ve ever not had trust issues in, so I immediately confess that I am a dumbass, I forgot her birthday, and I paid $7.99 to get it, because her sister and friends would snitch on me.
Luckily this isn’t the first time I’ve come off as a total moron to her, so she believed me, but she is indeed also a bit upset I forgot her birthday. Next time something like this happens I’m just admitting guilt I think. I’m also sitting here and just realized I could’ve waited till she was asleep and checked her license…
TL;DR: I forgot my GF’s bday, background-checked her to find it out, then accidentally showed it to her on my phone, causing her to think I don’t trust her.“
9.
From Redditor u/Gelicca:
“I was talking to this guy on Hinge who had the softest of hazel eyes, and at the time, I thought he was the one. After exchanging a few messages, we decide to go on a date, and one thing lead to another, and we were a couple. We dated for about 5 months until the horror-struck us that we were relatives…
Since we are both in our mid-20s, we have moved away from home and hadn’t had time to meet each other’s parents. Instead of doing the traditional, I’ll bring you over to meet my parents, and I’ll go over to meet yours, we decided on dinner with both our parents. You can pretty much tell where this story goes now.
Long story short, we took our families out to a restaurant, and when my father stood up from the table to introduce himself to my boyfriend’s mother, his face turned completely white, as he was looking directly at his cousin(Uncle’s daughter). It took her a second to realize as well.
Since my family and his family live on opposite sides of the states, our parents hadn’t seen each other in about 30 years, and it was a coincidence that my boyfriend and I moved to the same city. We could tell something was wrong with the way our parents looked at each other, and they informed us that we were related.
Even though we loved each other, we decided it wasn’t right to do. I told my friends that it didn’t work out and silently removed everything from social media.
TL;DR: I dated a boy from hinge for about 5 months, and discovered he was my cousin after our parents informed us while out to dinner.“
10.
“From Redditor u/Mando_the_Pando:
This literally just happened a few hours ago and is the reason neither my fiance or I am sleeping.
I talk in my sleep, a LOT, especially when I am tired or sleep-deprived which is about constant at this point with two toddlers.
So, after finally being able to sleep last night, I get woken up after what felt like five minutes by my fiance having what I can only describe as minor panic. Asking what’s wrong, I get the response “you are so lucky I know you were sleeping….” uh oh…
So what did I do in my sleep you ask? Well, right as my fiance closed her eyes, I apparently sit up, grabbed her arm, looked her dead in her eyes, and say “there is someone in the corner watching us” before promptly laying back down and going to sleep…..
Needless to say, she did not, and we are now up in the middle of the night laughing about it, drinking hot coco… so there is that I guess.
TL;DR: Told fiance someone was watching us in my sleep scaring her before bed. No sleep for us tonight.“
11.
From Redditor u/Jessie5681:
“My boyfriend suffers from pretty low self-esteem, like it’s not like he’s too bothered about his looks but he rates himself a 5 out of 10 at best.
Obviously, I think he’s gorgeous and handsome but even though I’ve been saying this for years, he does not believe me. So, for some stupid reason, I decided to show him that other girls would find him attractive by making him a tinder account. I set him up an account, make him a bio and just start swiping right.
After a day, he got around a dozen matches on tinder and after I showed this to him, I saw how he immediately became more confident and thanked me for the whole gesture.
Queue my surprise when a couple of days later, I check the tinder account I had basically forgotten after 24 hours, and I could see lots of messages sent to lots of the girls my bf had matched with.
I confronted him and he denied it but I mean these messages even included promises to meet each other. Obviously, we broke up, and out of curiosity I checked the tinder account again after a week and this breakup has clearly not slowed him down one bit. So now the tinder I made for him not only broke us up but is now helping him navigate his newly single life.
TL;DR: I made a tinder account for my bf to prove that he is attractive and he ended up ditching me for one of the girls he matched with.“
12.
From Redditor u/JollyJaplin:
“Back in January, I met a guy at my campus who I really hit it off with, the chemistry was undeniable. A couple of days later he asked me if I want to go get lunch together, just by the straightforwardness of how he asked I figured he was asking me out. I was probably blinded by how much I liked him as well.
For the next several weeks we spent a lot of time together where he would be the one initiating things and taking me around. At this point I assumed we were a couple, however, we never got intimate even remotely. He’s a practicing Muslim and I figured he wouldn’t want to get intimate too soon, so I just didn’t push it and honestly, I was completely fine.
Fast forward to last Sunday, when we ran into some of my old friends and when introducing him called him my boyfriend. Immediately after that conversation ended and we went our separate ways he looked at me puzzlingly and asked why I said that. He explained he doesn’t date at all and just considered us very good friends and that I’m the closest friend he’s had in years.
I’ve never been more embarrassed and it’s completely my fault for just jumping to conclusions.
TL;DR: I thought me and a friend were dating because he was being nice to me and I liked it.“
13.
From Redditor u/throwaway_iansdsdf:
“A friend set me up with this woman because she thought we have similar hobbies and similar dark humor. We met today for the first time for a coffee/tea. We were actually having a good time, or at least I thought so. We clicked right away and had a lot to talk and laugh about.
After like an hour she suggested to pay our drinks and going somewhere else for launch and I happily agreed. As we were about to pay for our drinks she started searching her purse for her wallet and put various objects on the counter because she seemed to have a bit of a mess in her purse. One of these objects was pepper spray.
I casually mentioned after leaving the coffee, “I’d consider getting a different pepper spray if you plan to defend yourself. This one is quite useless.” For a bit of context: I used to test various of pepper sprays and tear gas in the military. We were stupid and young but it was also kind of thrilling. And the product she had was by far the worst/weakest we tested.
I just recognized the bottle because it was so bad and thought I should let her know that this is probably not the best option to go with. But she obviously didn’t know about that because, well, we just met an hour ago.
After this comment, our conversation kind of ended, and she suddenly had a work emergency and had to go. I took me a few minutes until I realized that my comment was beyond creepy without any context. I am definitely not used to meeting new people. I hope I’ve not traumatized her.
TL;DR: Creeped out a woman I’ve only met an hour before by telling her pepper spray would be not very effective if she intended to defend herself.“
14.
From Redditor u/[deleted]:
“The lottery winning took place back in August 2014. Mike and I were married in October 2014. It wasn’t a fortune, but enough to make a difference. After taxes it came out to right around $480,000. Most people would be over the moon, but I panicked. I didn’t want our life to turn upside down because we had extra money now.
I was still legally single at the time, and so I was able to accept it anonymously without the need to tell anyone else. So I didn’t. Tell anyone else. Not a single soul. Not my husband, my parents, siblings, best friends, etc. Only the state and federal governments.
My husband has a tendency to spend on things we don’t need and that aren’t going to benefit us in the long run so I didn’t want our money to blown quickly on stupid stuff like cars and clothes.
I opened a new bank account with a national credit union and put the check-in. Got started with a financial advisor (Keith), who guided me into investing in local businesses and real estate. And that’s that. It’s been sitting there since, just growing.
Flash forward to today. I’m doing dishes getting ready to start making dinner, and my phone rings. I can’t get to it but figure I’ll call them back. Then I get a text. No big deal. I’ll get to it in a minute….but my husband came into the kitchen and glanced at my phone to let me know who text me and called me (which he always does if my hands are full).
It’s Keith. He called and text me to let me know my account just hit $1 million after one of the energy companies I invested in soared recently.
My husband is stunned. Has no clue what to even say, staring at me until he says, “We have a million dollars??”
I was so flushed that finally just sat him down and explained the situation. He’s clearly mad at me for never telling him. Asks if my family knows, and I tell him that no one knows except the IRS and Keith.
It took him a few hours to finally be able to really talk to me.. at the end of the silence he told me he’s proud of me for investing into our future but he needs a few days to clear his head because he feels like I hid a huge part of “myself” from him.
We might just need to take a vacation now.
TL;DR: I won a lottery in 2014 and never told my husband until he learned that I grew the money to a million today.“
15.
From Redditor u/ohboyif*ckedupguys:
“I (23F) had a hard day at work. I got off work before my bf (26M) came home and wanted a drink. Rifled though our liquor cabinet and found some scotch. Didn’t think much of it and in the 4-5 hours before my bf came home, I had 3 glasses.
Bf comes home. Sees the bottle of scotch on the counter. Loses it. He won’t tell me how much the scotch was but says it was over 500 dollars. And I drank 3 glasses.
He apparently had been saving that for a special occasion (he hadn’t told me, or mentioned it, it wasn’t in a box it was just sitting on the shelf with the rest of our liquor). Apparently, the scotch was aged 20+ years and I mixed it with coke.
He’s beyond furious and devastated. I’ve promised to get him a new bottle but I’m definitely going to have to save up for it.
TL;DR: I drank my bf’s 20+ year aged scotch by mixing it with coke. It was over $800. I now have to figure out how to afford to replace his bottle.“
