Kate Hackett
Ahh, work from home / COVID strikes again at another relationship.
It’s been a tough few years; everyone is in everyone else’s space, people are around ALL THE TIME, and it can be really, really hard on relationships. Take u/its_mila, who asked Reddit if she was an asshole “for wanting my partner to leave the house more often”.
She explains the situation in more detail.
I (30F) moved into my boyfriend’s (41M) house almost two years ago. Things have been going smoothly so far, bar a few disagreements here and there.
Her boyfriend works from home, as does OP for about half a workweek. They spend a lot of time together and OP is used to living alone.
He works from home 100% of the time, and he is a homebody. I WFH 2-3 days a week, so we do spend quite a bit of time together. I lived alone before moving in, and I loved having my own place to myself.
Now she never, ever gets any time by herself because her boyfriend is ALWAYS there. He doesn’t go outside, he rarely goes out.
Now, as he is literally ALWAYS home, that never happens anymore. He doesn’t have hobbies that will get him to go outside. He very rarely goes somewhere without me, like to a bar or a party for the evening. Though we do have friends here in our city, so it’s not like there’s no one to go out with. When he does go out for social events, I’m going along with him. I leave the house on my own much more often to go to work, or visit family or friends.
OP is feeling suffocated, and honestly, girl, I get it. I would feel frustrated too. She says that “having someone in my living space all the time” is becoming really hard and they fought about it.
That leads us to our latest argument. Lately I’ve mentioned to him several times that I would like to have the house to myself sometimes. It’s not like he’s annoying me when he’s home, and I’m not planning to do anything sketchy but I guess I just need to be home alone sometimes… If you’re a quiet introvert like me you probably know the feeling. Having someone else in my living space all the time is starting to really bug me.
The boyfriend promised to try to get out a little more, but it never happened.
After our last talk he said he would make an effort to leaving the house more often but that never happened (last time he went out without me for the night was in November!).
A friend recently asked him to get drinks and OP was so hopeful it would happen, she snapped at him when it didn’t.
Last night, a friend hit him up to go grab drinks, so I was hopeful that he would finally go out, but he said he didn’t feel like it. So I snapped and reminded him about what we discussed and that I wished he’d been to see his friend and gone out on his own for once.
Now the boyfriend feels hurt and OP is afraid that this feeling is being misinterpreted. She just wants a night alone every few months.
He feels hurt that I want him out of the house sometimes, he feels like I’m forcing him to leave and that I hate his company but it’s not really what this is about. I would like him to WANT to go out more, I don’t want him to just leave and wander out alone. I told him I’d like to have my evening alone at home once every two months, which seems pretty reasonable I believe. I should mention that he’s not good at making actual plans to meet people, mostly he will wait for an invitation.
But she hurt her boyfriend and isn’t sure now: is she being unreasonable?
However, his reaction led me to wonder if I’m being selfish and unreasonable? So Reddit, AITA?
God, no, girl. No. Reddit slapped an ASSHOLE label on OP but I disagree with that so much. She’s trying to find a compromise and a solution; her boyfriend just needs to find something to do for a few hours once every TWO MONTHS.
There were Redditors who agreed with me. One user wrote, “NTA IMO, my wife is a home body and we both WFH 5-days a week. It’s amazing when she catches lunch with co-workers or friends or has a conference to go to. I love her and enjoy her company but 24/7 is a lot. I get out of the house more than her so sometimes I just wish she would do the same – but I try to remember I’m an extrovert while she’s an introvert. There’s just something about being at home alone that’s way better than anything!”
“I understand you and luckily my husband understands me. I need the house (his house, according to reddit if you decide to sell your own house and move in with your partner that will still only be his house weirdly enough. So you give up your house to never be your home) to myself every once in a while as well. He is introverted and doesnt go out much but will do it for me. As i do things for him to keep him mentally strong. I think reddit is full of ppl who mainly socialise online and can relate more to your partner than you, so therefor all the yta’s,” wrote another user.
Another offered a compromise.
