Kate Hackett
Oof, this article is a serious bummer. It’s incredibly traumatizing to realize you’ve been cheated on and it’s got to be one of the top ten terrible ways to end a relationship. But just WHY people cheat is an interesting question to consider.
It’s one u/zabalansu wondered in the Ask Reddit community recently, so let’s peruse the answers to “why did you cheat on your partner” together.
1. Revenge
I cheated once, and it was because she’d cheated on me. I’d already been cheated on before so it was like: “Well: this time I’m getting revenge.” I didn’t feel any better. Made me feel almost as shitty as I thought she was. She was angry as fuck, but I can’t honestly say it was any different than any of the other gals that get pissed off when you break up with them. Haven’t cheated since. If you’re getting cheated on, don’t demean yourself by sinking to their level. Just give ’em the boot.
2. An Idiot
Couple months into a relationship and my girlfriend’s best friend’s boyfriend tried to kill himself wrote a breakup letter about how she ruined his life basically. So she called hysterical my girlfriend was at work so I picked her up and brought her to my house untill we would go get my girlfriend after work and they can talk. I don’t know what happened she’s sitting on my couch in a skirt and she was saying how no one likes her she will never get another guy and I just said that she was cool n pretty and then from there yeah……I actually ended up staying with my girlfriend for 10 years after that but because of cheating on her in the beginning the trust was gone and we both cheated on each other a few times. It was like the perfect porn script… Wasn’t worth it and i have no good excuse for it , wish i could take it back.
3. Drugs & Alcohol
I was drinking and doing a lot of coke… it honestly turned me into a careless piece of shit for a long time!
4. No idea how to be healthy
Because I truly had no idea what a healthy or functional relationship looked like. My parents were married for almost 30 years and had already started the cycle of cheating on each other well before I was born. My grandma used to tell me stories of being friends with my grandpa’s girlfriends “because she just wasn’t toxic and jealous like other women”.
5. Needs not met
Because my wife told me that she was no longer interested in having sex with me, she didn’t want me having it with anyone else, and she “forbade” me from watching porn or masturbating. (I still did the latter, but we could never discuss it or she’d freak out.)
6. The ex
Because I wasn’t over my ex and when she came knocking I didn’t value my new relationship enough and crossed a line I never will lower myself to cross again.. you feel like shit for years after it, really not worth it no matter how you try to justify it to yourself at the time..
7. Drunk
Drunk and being hit on by a bendy yoga teacher. Got caught in the same day. It was a shitshow.
8. Chicken shit
Because I was too chicken shit to get a divorce because I was wildly unhappy and too proud to go to therapy to fix the marriage. So I cheated, got caught, and have since been to a ton of therapy and am getting a divorce.
9. Excuses
I was around 22 years old young gay, and he was around 40 I think. The age gap was something that always rubbed me the wrong way. I was constantly doubting the relationship. Even kind of broke up a few times because of it, but then we came back together.
We had been together like for 4 months by then. One night at the club, with some friends, I decided that if I was constantly doubting it, it was because It was something that I wasn’t okay with, and decided to break up with him. He wasn’t with me that night, so I decided to tell him the next day. Since I was already at the club, and was going to break up with him, I thought it wouldn’t matter if I met someone new, and I did make out with one of the club dancers, and then went to his place and had sex and everything.
It wasn’t until the next day morning, sobered up, that I realized I didn’t want to break up with him, and even worse, I also realized that meant I had just cheated on him. Felt awful, I called him later during the day, told him everything while crying, assuming he’d just break up with me, but instead he told me to meet somewhere public, he brought me a gift, and told me he was okay with it. He understood what I was feeling and it’s just things that happen. I was confused by the reaction, we were together for a few months more and then he broke up with me xD. Can’t blame him, I was a horny mess by then. Ran into him a few times at some parties and things were okay, he never stopped being nice to me. Which I appreciate.
10. Felt it
I felt an intimacy connection with someone which I’d never had before. In retrospect it’s one of the dumbest and stupidest things I ever could have done. It wasn’t at all worth what it has now become. I’ve lost my entire family and have no respect from the people that matter most to me. 10/10 would not recommend and would never do again. I lost it all for something that never even really mattered. I had it all in front of me, I just refused to see it.
11. There was no Why
I’ve never cheated, but my ex was a sex addict who ended up going to prison. There were so many excuses, blame-shifting, pleas for forgiveness, therapy, etc., until finally he hit rock bottom and admitted to a sex addiction. He ended up joining SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) and I ended up joining COSA, a Twelve Step group for people whose lives have been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behavior. It completely changed my life and made me realize that there are people who cheat for one reason or another, and then there are people who cheat because it’s their addiction, so it doesn’t need a “why.”
12. So she could leave
I was on a toxic relationship and couldn’t break up, but I knew that SHE could leave the relationship instead.
13. Insecure
Insecurity. Poor self image, and an inability to put aside morals in exchange for stroking my ego.
14. He was controlling
My first boyfriend in college was very controlling over my weight. He had a fat fetish and would track my weight to make sure I was gaining enough for him. I guess one night when I was with a friend I just sort of…cheated. It felt nice to not have someone call me a fat b*tch the whole time we had sex so I broke up with him the next day. Never told him I cheated.
15. Instant regret
I honestly dont know what got into to me that evening. All my emotion regulations were gone; heavy drinking, smoking (while having a lung desease and normall I dont) and had a sudden urge to hit on someone else. Regretted it alot (it was only 2 seconds of kissing). Felt most guilty about the wanting to bang part.
16. He was abusive
He was abusive piece of shit. Would threaten me all of the time with various shit. He then cheated on me multiple times and called me crazy for accusing him of such things . We talked all of the time about how I felt. The problem was he had a kid that I grew really attached to. Obviously if I left, I would never see them again. And when I did break up with him, it was a fucking disaster because he would never leave me alone and I was weak. It was a vicious cycle.
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17. She was abusive
I broke up with her. She disagreed. I had to block her because she got so abusive. Started dating this other girl and my ex found out and told everyone I cheated. New gf almost took her side.
18. Couldn’t forgive
He cheated on me postpartum with my first daughter and years later, I could not forgive or forget. I did NOT cheat to “get back” at him, but I DID cheat.
19. Not a priority
Because we were living far away and he didn’t make any effort to spend time together, I wasn’t his priority and he was my first as well. I regret that I cheated, and after many many years I still feel guilty.
20. The simplest answer.
Being a selfish whore. Also deep rooted insecurity. Never had a substance abuse problem. Just like to have sex with people I don’t know too well
