Kate Hackett
You guys. YOU GUYS. I read this AITA post from u/aita_husband_deadex last night and I could not even BELIEVE what I was reading.
She literally asked “AITA for not wanting my husband to go to his ex’s funeral?” Like, oh my GOD, already YES.
This woman starts her post off noting that she could not stand her husband’s ex. FOR NO REASON.
I’ll admit I’m biased right off the bat. I couldn’t stand her.
I call her “his ex” to myself and others. He called her “his friend”.
We’re all in our early 40s. She died recently – aneurysm.
I’ve been with him 10 years now, but he’d known her for 20+.
This woman was a quick marriage and a better friend; her husband was clear that this ex was important because they were close.
The way he tells it: They were friends in college, decided to date, got married, then realized they weren’t a great couple and decided to just be friends. All that happened years before I met him. He was clear early on that she was “important”.
And a few months into dating, he explained the platonic friendship that came out of the former marriage. OP said she wasn’t super comfortable, but her then-BF explained that this other person was very important.
A couple months into dating, it came up that his friend was actually his ex-wife. He explained the above to me, saying she was one of his closest friends and that it was purely platonic. I expressed some discomfort at him being so close to an ex, and he told me “That’s fine. If you have a serious issue with it, let me know now and save us some time. I’ll choose her. I like you and all, but I’ve known her for over 12 years and she’s one of the most important people in my life. You’ll have to be ok with that if you want us to be a thing.”
OP continued to be insecure about it – she resented this other woman for no actual reason.
When we were engaged I asked again. He gave me this perplexed look & asked “Why would us getting married affect my friendships?”
I sucked it up & went along. I resented every moment of knowing her, especially when we had to be social. She understood some part of him I couldn’t. Her husband was friends with mine as well, so it’s not like I could use him as an angle.
OP badgered her husband, he rightly explained that this friendship was important.
He’d have lunch with the ex, they’d go to their geeky movies, and whatever.
The few times I brought it up he said “We had this conversation before. You had your chance to back out.”
The ex died suddenly and though her husband was distraught, OP was “relieved”. My lord, OP, some compassion.
She died after they had lunch the other day on the way to her car. He spent a bunch of time crying, but honestly I was relieved.
He was working with her husband on funeral planning. I told him “You don’t think you’re going, do you?”
OP then forbade her husband from going to the funeral – holy sh*tballs, you guys. This is so awful.
My argument, summed up: She’s dead, so she’s not a factor anymore. He doesn’t get to use his “she’s my friend” excuse since she doesn’t exist anymore. He had his cry for a couple days, he gets to be done with mourning her already. There’s no need for him to go to her funeral, since I wouldn’t want her at his.
He was the angriest I’ve ever seen him when I told him that, replying that he’ll be going no matter how I feel, and that he’s “willing to burn this to the fucking ground” while holding up his wedding band. “Besides you, she was the closest friend in my life.”
Rightly, OP’s husband and literally everyone else are telling her that she’s a monster.
Him, her husband & my sisters are calling me an insensitive asshole over this, all saying that there was no romantic aspect to their relationship, & that I’m heartless. Her husband went so far as calling me a “ghoul” for how I’ve reacted.
I never felt their relationship was appropriate, and I hid that for years because I wanted to be with my husband. Now that she’s gone, I don’t feel I should have to hide it anymore, and can speak freely.
AITA for just wanting him to be done with her, and for him to not attend the funeral?
Oh my LORD, YTA YTA YTA. Reddit vehemently agreed.
“When he divorces you, he probably won’t have to explain his friendship with you to the next woman because, seriously… who’d want to stay friends with a woman who had treated you like this?” one person wondered.
Another person commented, “I kept shaking my head while reading this thinking it couldn’t get any worse but… OP still managed to dig deeper. How can you be so stone cold (she basically said “yeah, hubby had time to cry for a few days, that’s enough, he should move on and forget about her already”) and still ask whether you really are TA? Yes, OP, YTA. Big time. YTA.”
