Kate Hackett
Where does “girlfriend” stop and “wife” begin? It’s an interesting question that, when you stop to think about it, is going to spark some seriously varied replies.
A few days ago, a thread on Reddit’s AskWomen sub went viral asking this precise question. u/Jmaschino290 wondered, “What are some things you consider “wife” things instead of “girlfriend” things?”
1. Money
Anything that’s going to bind me to you financially is wife shit
2. Big stuff
Wife things (for me personally): buying a house together, having children
3. Next of kin
Being considered next of kin when it comes to serious issues such as hospital or being arrested.
4. Appointments
Also as a wife I’d probably be able to make healthcare appointments for my spouse, something I am not able to do for my boyfriend but my mum did for my dad all the time.
5. Yep, all this!
Buying a house, getting pets together, having a joint (separate from own) bank account, being on eachothers health insurance.
6. Real estate
Real estate mainly. But also like, im not moving to another city or country for a boyfriend, I’ll think about it for marriage (and money). Speaking of money, shared finances is some wife shit too.
Frankly the way men my age act, they want wife level commitment from me while “keeping things chill” on their side. Like they think anything beyond midnight booty calls is too much commitment on their end but they want me to call them and listen to them vent all the time… the sex isn’t even that good. I’m enjoying my cat lady life rn
7. Taxes
Wife things: Filing taxes as “married” vs “single.
8. Family stuff
Obligation to attend family functions, combined bank accounts, having children are all wife activities in my eyes.
9. Surgery
my friend (19F) recently just paid for her boyfriend (24M) of one year’s wisdom teeth surgery. $3,500 right there. This is absolutely “wife” type behavior. She also wakes him up in the morning, drives him to work, picks him up, buys groceries, etc. Recently went on a double date with them and she paid for their meal. I suspect she pays for their meals quite more often than she lets on in our conversations. I have expressed my thoughts multiple times at her inquiry but she just continues.
10. Old fashioned
Sex and staying over. No ring- no thing! 🤣 it’s OK if you think I’m a prude.
11. Long Term
When you start making long term decisions that will affect both parties and can have lasting consequences with her. It means you’re invested in this person in more than one way and I think that’s a key difference between a wife and a girlfriend, even if marriage isn’t involved.
12. Cleaning
Cleaning up after a man. I mean, I didn’t even do that shit as a wife, but I see far too many women fall into this trap. My niece and her friend literally decorate and clean their boyfriend’s apartments for them and they don’t even live together. I try to tell them it’s setting a bad precedent and things only get worse once you move in together, have kids, etc. But they don’t listen to me.
13. Bathroom stuff
Bathroom related embarrassments. Some women get so concerned about childbirth and potentially pooping in front of their partner. We’ve been married 8 years and both my births, my husband stayed at my head and was unaware about any poop. Both times I was like “lol I for SURE pooped fyi”
14. Living together
For me- living together and buying a home together. Too messy for me personally if not married. I just saw my niece in law go through a mess because she lived with a guy (the father of her children) for years and they bought a house together and now she’s scrambling trying to get things put in her name etc. because they were never married and he passed away. It’s not a morals issue for me. It’s just a legal thing I just think it’s impractical to be tied up with somebody financially when you’re not married.
15. No easy out
literally anything that would enmesh my life with yours in a way that wouldn’t allow me an easy exit strategy is wife shit. kids, pets, mortgage, merged finances, etc. no to non-refundable trips booked months in advance or choosing your family over mine for holidays. i’d sign a breakable lease, but that’s about it.
16. ALL of this
It took him almost 10 years to propose. I feel as though giving him the wife experience with the girlfriend title didnt help my situation.I was cooking /baking for him, packing his lunch, cleaning up after him, and cleaning his house, doing his laundry, ironing his clothes- along for his family. I was a servant.That was for me at least. His family started expecting for me to do shit I didn’t even do for my family nor did he do for me. I thought swallowing my pride, allowing him and his whole family to walk all over me that it showed him that I’m a great wife because I’ll never stir problem. Yeah no…don’t do that…I wish I can go back in time. I would have let him go to better ourselves, seek therapy. Then maybe…but please don’t wait for 10 years! Just leave…
17. A seriously perfect list
Financial and legal and to an extent medical things. So, for example, since we are married all of our finances are co-mingled. Some married people keep them seperate but in my case we had them seperate before married and tigether once we were married. It was just easier for us. I would never have a joint bank account with him when we were living together but not married.
And, similarly, legal docs, so signing in the house, setting up the trust, I did all of that,as in I did the legwork to get it all done and had him come too which I would not have done if we weren’t married.
And some medical stuff. So, for example, I will schedule his doc appointments, pick up prescriptions, yell at the insurance company for not covering squat.
I call his mom to make sure we all still stay in touch. I didn’t do that when we were boyfriend / girlfriend. She wasn’t my family in any way so I guess I didn’t feel the need to.
I also handle all of our car stuff, like oil changes, which I never did before but now I care that his car stays well maintained!
