Kate Hackett
I think it’s pretty common for women (and men!) to have some set boundaries about things they will not do before defining the relationship. u/yangchu981 recently took to the AskWomen sub to figure out just what those things might be, asking, “What are things you’d do as a girlfriend that you wouldn’t do if you’re just dating or before defining the relationship?”
Let’s check some of these out & draw some boundaries!
1. These three
Move in with them. – Loan them money. – Take a vacation with them.
2. Families
Go to family holidays. Just meet their family in general. Maybe not even meet friends before you’re officially dating.
3. Effort
I wouldn’t do anything that more than slightly inconveniences me. If it’s casual, then so is my effort.
4. The goods
Buy them expensive things
5. Spicy bedroom
Yeah, spicy bedroom stuff def involves major feelings or the potential to catch feels. Did it before, won’t do it again.
6. Emotional needs
If we were not officially in a relationship I would not come to them in my time of emotional need.. if there was a crisis basically. I’m not going to lean on someone in my time of need unless I know that they are strong enough to support me first.
7. Cooking
Cook for them. I think cooking is one of the most intimate thing you can do for a loved one. No way in hell I would put effort to create something delicious for a fuck boi or some situationship.
8. Safety
not use condoms
9. Change plans
Cancel existing plans to hang out with them instead, cook together, text alot during the day and such
10. My space
Let them see my bedroom. It’s just a standard bedroom but it is MY SPACE aliens not allowed.
11. Monogamy
why invest time and emotions into a person who hasn’t defined the relationship yet? & potentially miss out on other prospects who may be better suited? nope. i’m single until he shows me he wants no one else to have me & wants to be exclusive. until then, hey cute guy working at the cafe. what’s your name again?
12. Trifecta
Spend a significant amount of money on them, move in with them, and say I love you.
13. Yep.
Take photos together.
14. Sex stuff
Go down on them. I don’t know why but I find the act extremely intimate and I would only go down on someone I trust wholeheartedly. I’ve been in short term relationships where I was never comfortable going down on them. I also don’t like people going down on me before a relationship unless I ask them to. I’ve only asked one person and that was my current SO a week or so before we made it official. Times with other people were unwelcome and I felt uncomfortable. Doesn’t make sense to me though because PIV or fingering is like, a-ok for FWB or ONS.
15. The real answer
Fart. 😂 😂
16. Touching
It takes me a long time to get comfortable enough to be physically affectionate. But my love language is physical touch. So once I’m all in, I can’t keep my hands off.
17. Sex
Have sex (I need a deep emotional connection and exclusivity before I feel desire for someone).
18. Cooking again
I don’t cook or bake for them… that’s strictly long-term boyfriend privilege. Initially I tell them I’m a terrible cook, so they don’t have the expectation that I’ll cook dinner for them every night.
19. Change
Anything that would permanently alter my day to day, or other personal relationships (siblings, friends, parents, kids). So no loaning money, no holidays, no meeting kids for at least 6 months of serious dating, same for family, no moving in together before a year, no getting them a job where I work, etc.
20. Housekeeping
Do their laundry, cook for them, set up outfits or have things ready, can’t do things like that for just anybody
