Boyfriend Asks If He’s A Jerk For Wanting To Skip GF’s Holiday Party To Go To His

Imagine for a second that your significant other, your partner, wanted to skip your office’s holiday party. On the one hand, sure, office holiday parties can suck. But it’s an important social event in a lot of industries and your appearance there matters.


That’s the background for u/amitathrowaway99 post wondering if he was wrong “for suggesting to my girlfriend that we skip her work’s holiday party to go to mine?”

It’s a quick tale.

OP explains that his SO’s holiday party and his fall on the same day.

Both of our jobs are doing holiday parties where SOs are encouraged to come. Originally we were going to go to both but mine was recently moved to the same day as hers.

They can’t go to both parties, so OP asked to just go to his. She said no: she had RSVP’d and was bringing food.

Our jobs are pretty far from each other so we can’t go to both, and I asked her if she would be fine skipping hers to go to mine. She said absolutely not because her party was always planned to be that day and she told everyone she was coming and bringing snacks.

OP, however, is trying to get a promotion and really wants to have some face time with the bosses.

Normally I’d be totally fine skipping because I don’t really care for my coworkers but currently I am competing for a promotion and need to get some time talking to my manager and directors, as well as other higher-ups who will be there.

He explains that he feels like he HAS to go to the party whereas his partner is only working part-time.

I work in a very competitive environment where social gatherings like this can really make or break a career, so I feel like we HAVE to go to this. She is working part-time while in school so it will not be detrimental to miss this party, just a bummer.

Unsurprisingly, his partner called him a jerk for assuming her job isn’t important.

I brought this up and she called me and asshole for thinking her job is unimportant.

OP notes that he tried to compromise by going alone, but she also hated this idea.

I also suggested that we each go to our own (I don’t love this idea because everyone as my job will be bringing their SO) and she said she would not be comfortable going to her party on her own.

Now he feels like he’s in a bind: nothing he offered was taken up by his partner and he needs to be in attendance.

I’m seriously stressed because I cannot miss this gathering because being a “team player” is a huge factor for my promotion and not going to this thing will hurt me, as dumb as it is.

This one is, admittedly, sticky.

On the one hand, as one Reddit put it, the idea that “‘Your work isn’t as important as mine, we NEED to go to my work party!'” is awful.

But on the other, there’s no winning here: the partner is unwilling to compromise. Another Reddit user wrote, “The work party directly ties into a competition for promotion for OP. He said if that wasn’t the case, he’d skip. He’s speaking truth in the moment; it IS more important than usual. It’s a very competitive environment, as stated in post, and social impression can make or break it. His girlfriend’s party, with all due respect, has no consequences. Specially not ones that can affect them financially and career-wise.”

MarkZuckerbeg / Reddit
SadReflection5118 / Reddit