It’s no one’s business if you’re gay or straight, but sometimes it’s helpful for them to know. This can happen to a gay man out on the town meeting an interested woman for the first time.
They could lead them on for a little ego boost, but most gay men are kind enough to have a contingency plan for signaling exactly why they’re not the one to women with broken Gaydar.
A TikToker named @oop.jake started a trend where people are stitching his video to share how they let women know they’re gay with just a few words or gestures.
“Duet this and let me know your go to way of letting a girl know you’re gay and that you’re not hitting on her,” he says. “I’ll go first.”
“For example mine is if we’re talking I’ll say, ‘Hey, I really like your top.’ And as soon as they hear me use the word ‘top’ instead of ‘shirt,’ they’re like, ‘Are you…?'”
And once he confirms they want to be “best friends.”
Other guys jumped on the trend immediately, letting us all in on The Code.
User @simply_josh3 thinks his sexuality flies under the radar, so he’s had to deal with this a lot. But instead of saying “I’m gay” he references cleaning himself, which is clearly not something a straight guy would do.
“I mention a brand of shampoo, conditioner, or body wash that is not a three-in-one, and they go, ‘Oh, are you gay?'” he says.
User @ayoaustimus is very careful with the compliments, saying, “This is a lot simpler than people think.”
“When straight men hit on women, they’ll use terms like ‘sexy, hot, beautiful.’ So when I tell them, ‘Oh my gosh, you are so pretty!’ Or ‘You are gorgeous! You are stunning!’ They know off the bat.”
Then there’s just being blunt about it like @daveykins94:
“Oh by the way I’m not hitting on you, I’m gay,” he says, pretty aggressively.
Then @cristogq says, “I literally had to use my technique for this yesterday. This girl asked to get coffee and I’m not sure if she knows I’m gay or not, so I have to hit her with the ‘Hey queen!'”
It works! And you definitely want to know before arriving for a coffee “date.”
Not all gay men get hit on a lot by women, but user @jaco4ever says he’s a lady magnet.
“Usually they try to hit on me, so I have to have a more direct approach and just let them know I’m gay,” he says. Well, thanks for your honesty.
User @seanbarryparsons has invented “queer coded dining” for when he’s waiting on a woman and wants them to know what’s up.
He does everything from complimenting clothes, bringing up Hollywood starlets, and knowing what rompers are. It might be too much, but it works.
User @jjjavian doesn’t even need words to say it all.
He just crosses his legs and puts on some chapstick.
For user @seananthonyv, he tries to bond over shared interests immediately.
“Hey. You got a boyfriend?” he says them. “Yeah? Is he cuuuute? How big?”
“I don’t have to say anything, they usually just know,” says @manetai.
And he’s cute as a button:
For @migoiii, there’s no hiding it once he opens his mouth or makes any kind of gesture at all, even though he thinks he “looks straight” because of some stray cheek hairs.
“I don’t know if it’s the tone of my voice or my hand gestures or maybe it’s ‘dang, girl,'” a million other little words that all say the same thing: “I’m gay.”