Kate Hackett
Generation X is defined as the generation born between 1965 and 1980; they’ve been squashed between Boomers and Millennials and oftentimes feel like they’ve been entirely forgotten about. As recently as last week, several news outlets reported on a sort of phenomenon Gen X was facing in a total lack of of representation in American government.
But now a few Gen Xers have taken to TikTok (that boon of Gen Z) to open up about something happening as they and their parents age.
Janet Martinez, a Texas-based counselor, recently posted about how Gen X’ers are handling their aging parents and how they feel about being expected to provide elder care.
She says in the video, “I’m Generation X. In my generation, we were basically feral… We sort of raised ourselves. Our parents were very busy doing their own things, lots of working parents, especially newly working parents, and so we were latchkey kids, and we were on our own a lot.”
She says “we were basically feral” and knows that busy parents happen, but that the emotional neglect has taken a toll.
“It was the emotional stuff, like that we didn’t have a lot of people to talk to or our emotions were not seen as important. And so now this is what’s coming up in counseling.”
Martinez continues, “Now our parents are older and they need us, and many of us are struggling because we were not taken care of. But now we are expected to take care of [them], and that’s creating a lot of issues.”
Her comments were riddled with fellow Gen X’ers and counselors saying they relate.
One person wrote, “Fellow Gen X therapist here! U I am seeing this too! In my own experience and with clients. Parents still want us to make up the emotional difference.”
Another noted that Martinez “described my situation perfectly.”
Others, however, wrote in that they have chosen to forgive and help their parents regardless of how they were brought up.
“My parents did the best they knew to do. I dealt with my issues with therapy,” said someone. “Now I have compassion. They were basically kids raising kids.”
Martinez spoke with BuzzFeed and told them she saw the start of this resentment last year.
“We were still in the height of the pandemic, the country was divided, and older parents were asking their Gen X kids for more financial help, daily care, and emotional support. A client said, ‘I am expected to take care of them when they did not take care of me’ and then I began tracking how much this was coming up with other clients as well.”
“This wasn’t everyone’s experience, but it was a lot of people’s experience. Also, corporal punishment was still the main way kids were disciplined and many were abused because their parents thought that was the best way to get kids in line. ‘Gentle Parenting’ was not heard of. Gen X are now parents themselves and have remarked to me that they used to give their parents excuses but now realize ‘it wouldn’t have been that hard’ to show up for us the way we show up for our kids.”
She does, however, believe that Gen X will power through this new phase of life.
“As a group, we are incredibly resilient and we persevere. We were feral children figuring things out. We played in ditches, rode bicycles outside all day, drank out of hoses, and never had knee pads or helmets. We survive. Interestingly enough though, we also are coming to understand more and more about our own mental health needs. We are learning by our own parenting where we needed to be seen and understood and weren’t. I guess what I’m trying to say is that through parenting our kids, we see the gaps we had as children and are coming to grips with how to move through those feelings.”
