This week is one of those weeks that feels longer than any other—partly because of daylight savings time, but partly because there’s been so much bullsh*t has been going on. What we all need, of course, is some humor to break up all of the horrible news. Who doesn’t love some hilarious tweets about how awful our lives are and how unhappy everyone is? Three cheers for self-depreciation.
is my boyfriend broken pic.twitter.com/StJBDXsG4D
— k (@karleemma) March 13, 2019
Lori Loughlin: please my daughter she’s very dumb pic.twitter.com/RTO6XE4Flo
— Tabir Akhter (@tabir) March 13, 2019
— flakka. (@Spencee_daddy) March 12, 2019
My husband just bought ice cream with raisins. So, that was a fun marriage.
— smerobin (@smerobin) March 12, 2019
Being an adult sucks because nobody makes you take a nap and you no longer get a prize if you eat all your food you just get fat.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) March 14, 2019
my brother got a pikachu suit and my dog attacked him pic.twitter.com/QLZJeaLQgC
— emily quinn (@xmxlyq) March 7, 2019
I forgot the word for manicure and asked my mom how her handjob was
— Tank.Sinatra (@GeorgeResch) March 10, 2019
me trying to explain 2019 to my grandchildren pic.twitter.com/IpnphDHKDK
— Ellie Sunakawa (@elliesunakawa) March 11, 2019
When I’m playing Uno and someone uses a “draw 4” pic.twitter.com/UM9KonriLv
— Jake Berg (@itsjakeberg) March 9, 2019
When the teacher walks up to you during an exam and looks at your paper then shouts out “guys please make sure you read the questions carefully” pic.twitter.com/QhAJj97nYQ
— zander (@alezander) March 14, 2019
De-boned chicken with breadcrumb crust and tomato reduction. pic.twitter.com/Iq7sWLEN6v
— Scotty Sorayama (@BasedLaRock) March 12, 2019
I wonder what all the IG models are doing today on their off day
— Gabriel Zamora (@gabrielzamora) March 13, 2019
sharpay was right: this is not what i want. this is not what i planned. and i just gotta say. I do not understand.
— ☽ (@LIPGLOSSEDCUNT) March 13, 2019
Cap: “Whatever it takes”
Hawkeye: “Whatever it takes”
Black Widow: “Whatever it takes”
Iron Man: “Whatever it takes”
Me, lying in my bed half awake: “Whatever it takes”
— Adrian R. (@adroidirl) March 14, 2019
The worst 4 loko flavor is when u are loko 4 someone but they aren’t loko 4 u :/
— IG @ itssdarwinn (@itssdarwinn) March 13, 2019
For the last FUCKING TIME, the answer is ALWAYS YES pic.twitter.com/DDBiTrRr6P
— Adam Ellis (@moby_dickhead) March 11, 2019
[Lori Loughlin trial]
JUDGE: Does the defence have any witnesses?
LAWYER: We'd like to call Jesse Katsopolis
JUDGE: Isn't he a fictional character?
LAWYER: Yes, your honor
JUDGE: Is he just gonna act hunky and say, "Have Mercy"?
LAWYER: Yes, your honor
JUDGE: I'll allow it
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 14, 2019
mercury REALLY IS in Powerade this week wõöoōôw
— La Bronze James (@jackieaina) March 14, 2019
I need a girl who I can have intelligent conversations with. Thoughtiana.
— u need to change…. v2 (@finesse_ur_mom) March 13, 2019
*my boyfriend staring at me*
me: what dumbass? wanna fight? pic.twitter.com/k2hTXnZ2yA
— ℳ ♕ (@heyitsriss_) March 8, 2019
get in loser we’re going to cognitive behavioral therapy
— kate (@kaiteasley) March 4, 2019
all 6 of my brain cells assembling so I can spell necessary pic.twitter.com/EmiAV5OMV6
— khaled (@localnim0) March 5, 2019
every time someone from my high school unfollows me, I level up
— talliesin young (@thomasjeferstan) March 6, 2019
A guy named billy asked if he could buy me a drink and when I asked if “billy” was short for “billiard” HE STRAIGHT UP WALKED AWAY ladies I have cracked the code
— Asia (@AsiaDNYC) March 6, 2019