It seems that of all the would-be wizards and witches in the world still having a difficult time letting go of the Harry Potter universe, J.K. Rowling reigns supreme—and Twitter is calling her on it.
Rowling is infamous for adding details about the series years after publication. Though the last installment in the series, ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ was released in 2008, and the movie version in 2011, the author has revealed a long list of random, often-intricate details about the Potterverse that were never mentioned in either the books or the films.
In 2007, Rowling said that she “always thought Dumbledore was gay.” Retroactive additions also include the fact that Fred Weasely was born before his twin George Weasley, that Lupin’s son Teddy became the Head Boy of Hufflepuff, and that Hagrid was unable to produce a Patronus. Other revelations have resulted in critics accusing Rowling of applying an after-the-fact woke patina on the series in an effort to make them appear more diverse—claiming that Hogwarts had Jewish students, for instance—as well as the fact that in old-timey Hogwarts, all students and faculty just sh*t and pissed themselves where they stood, then magicked it away.
So a new Twitter meme has been born, and it essentially involves people roasting Rowling’s retroactive additions to the HP canon by adding details of their own. Many of which featured Dobby.
jk rowling: dobby assassinated princess diana
— emily (@theemiree) January 28, 2019
JK Rowling: Dobby threw the first brick at stonewall
— chaotic soft / neutral disaster (@umangkalra__) January 27, 2019
jk rowling: i had sex with dobby
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) January 28, 2019
jk rowling: dobby shot xxxtentacion
— e҉ (@notlipglosse) January 27, 2019
jk rowling: dobby’s favourite queen member was john deacon
— (@jchndeac) January 28, 2019
JK Rowling: Dobby has a 10 inch cock
— fraser (@iNabberTV) January 25, 2019
JK Rowling: Dudley got syphilis from Dobby and died at 26
— regina george (@maxfly38) January 28, 2019
Though truly, no character was safe.
JK Rowling: the Whomping Willow was gay
— sarah schauer (@SJSchauer) January 25, 2019
waiter: anything to drink?
JK Rowling: the sorting hat can fuck but chooses not to
— dustin Couch (@Dustinkcouch) January 21, 2019
JK Rowling: Maybe Harry DID fuck Hermione
— Various Jams (@VRSJMS) January 25, 2019
JK Rowling: hagrid fucked the spiders
— elle (@666bitchcraft) January 28, 2019
jk rowling: the sorting hat’s penis rests on ur forehead when u wear it
— almonds (@twoalmonds) January 21, 2019
jk rowling: ron spent all 7 years at hogwarts fantasizing about a loyal unique imaginary best friend named “Harry Potter” as a way to cope with an unbearably plain life as a regular kid who wasnt super good or bad at school, who wasnt popular but wasnt an outcast either
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) January 28, 2019
jk rowling: buckbeak is into light choking but hasn’t found the right partner
— Rachel Whitehurst (@RachLWhitehurst) January 26, 2019
How long until jk rowling decides that voldemort was a socialist
— Conor Arpwel (@Arpwel) January 21, 2019
JK Rowling: yeah Harry Potter has no legs and was in a wheelchair the whole book
— Donkey! (@LucasConner_) January 26, 2019
JK Rowling: Dobby saved Rosa Parks a seat
— Andi Jashari (@jashari_andi) January 28, 2019
Jk Rowling: Dobby and Ted Bundy were having a secret affair
— Andi Jashari (@jashari_andi) January 29, 2019
So, J.K., fess up: Did Dobby shoot xxxtentacion???