Woman Whose Lesbian Sister Was Outed At School Asks If She Gave Her Bad Advice

It can be really tough to have a huge age gap between siblings — one has so much life experience and the other just… doesn’t. Keeping that bond sharp and safe for both parties is really important and I, for one, have to commend u/ProtectiveBigSiss‘ actions.


You see, OP explains that she gave her younger stepsister some advice after the girl was forcibly outed at school.

When I was 18, my mom remarried my stepdad who had a baby girl, and we became as close as any sisters as she grew up. I’m now 34 and she’s 17.

OP explains that her baby sister is 18 years younger than her and was outed at school. The dad did not take it well.

Last week, she got outed at school and to make a bad situation worse, her dad was mad at her, said she was lying for attention, and when she said it was for real, called her a slur.

OP is a lesbian and has been out for years; her sister came over in tears.

She came over my apartment distraught and looking for some advice, I’m a lesbian and have been out for years.

I told her that I was so sorry that happened, that was shitty since she deserved to be able to decide who to tell and when. But she wasn’t the only one outed.

OP listened, said she was sorry her sister was outed, and then listed all the ways everyone who failed her was outed as “bad”.

Her dad? He just outed himself as a bigot. He outed himself as someone who should have never become a parent if he wasn’t ready to love and accept his own damn child.

And her school administrators? Outed themselves as negligent, probably even in the legal sense.

But overall, when I come out, I often out other people wayyy harder than I out myself. It can be hard, but it can also feel empowering, to take a torch to the darkness, light it for all to see, and burn it away.

She explained that by being who they are, they were outing bigots, so OP just let them talk because she knew she was the one with power.

Just by being in the room, and letting people tell on themselves, we’re outing bigots. So I let them talk, and then go tell whoever I damn well please. I let them become known as ignorant and bigoted, cause that’s a hell of a lot worse than being known as queer.

I told her it was horrible her story was taken from her, but I hoped she knew it isn’t taken forever. It’s her right to say as much or as little to whoever she wants.

OP gave her sister more advice about how to handle the betrayal and future gossip.

And if someone gossips? They don’t know her heart, they’re just revealing their own hatred and ugliness. So don’t let it eat at you. So document and record it if you want. Share it if you want, or keep it just in case. But whatever you do, it’s all your call. It always is.

We talked well into the night. And she was feeling way better afterwards, and ready to go home and face her dad again.

Eventually, OP’s sister was ready to go home and face her dad. She confronted him and when he went to argue with her, the sister started filming him on her phone.

Well, shortly after she went home, my mom called me. She said that my sis had come home and told her dad that they should “agree to disagree” about her sexuality, and anything further he had to say about it spoke only to his own character and said fuck-all about her.

And when he tried to argue she took out her phone and started filming and saying “Do tell… You had a fucking child and weren’t ready to love it? Get a fuckin DOG if you want something that’ll come back begging when you abuse it”

OP’s mother was angry because she thought OP coached the sister.

My mom called me furious because she thought I’d coached her on what to say, which I genuinely hadn’t. I told her what advice I had given, and she was angry I even said that much, and asked me if it would have killed me to say that I think her dad loves her and to give him some time to understand. I was irate to hear that honestly because… Like what she actually said was heartbreaking and it hurts to hear my mom and stepdad didn’t listen one bit.

And although OP did not, she isn’t sure: is she a jerk?

AITA for the advice I gave?

Reddit quickly declared OP not the asshole!

Quiet-Fan1926 / Reddit

“NTA. This is the kind of support she needs. Being outed is awful and traumatizing. Poor kid. As a parent, he should be ashamed that he is not the one offering this level of unconditional love and support to his own child,” said someone.