Psychology Reveals the Three Colors Most Often Chosen by People With Low Self-Esteem

You probably don’t think much about why you reach for certain colors. The shirt you grabbed this morning, the paint you chose for your bedroom, the car you drive—these feel like aesthetic preferences, nothing more. But color psychology researchers have spent decades documenting something interesting: our color choices often reflect our internal emotional states in ways we don’t consciously recognize.

This doesn’t mean wearing a particular color diagnoses you with anything. Color preference is influenced by culture, context, personal history, and yes, sometimes just what was on sale. But patterns emerge in the research, and certain colors show up repeatedly among people who struggle with self-worth.

Understanding these patterns isn’t about judgment—it’s about awareness. Sometimes the things we’re drawn to reveal what we’re feeling underneath, and that information can be genuinely useful.

1. Gray

Gray is the color of disappearing. It’s not quite black, which makes a statement, and it’s not white, which draws the eye. Gray sits in the middle, asking nothing, demanding nothing, blending into backgrounds and conference rooms and crowded streets without attracting attention.

People with low self-esteem often gravitate toward gray because it feels safe. You can’t be criticized for a bold choice if you didn’t make one. You can’t stand out in the wrong way if you’re not standing out at all. Gray is the visual equivalent of “don’t mind me”—a way of moving through the world without taking up too much space.

Research on color psychology associates gray with neutrality, detachment, and emotional suppression. It’s the color people choose when they’re trying not to be seen, when visibility itself feels risky. There’s nothing wrong with gray as a color, but if your entire wardrobe looks like a cloudy sky, it might be worth asking what you’re hiding from.

The shift doesn’t have to be dramatic. Even small introductions of color—a scarf, a watch band, a pair of socks nobody sees—can be a way of practicing visibility in low-stakes situations.

2. Beige and other “safe” neutrals

Beige, tan, khaki, cream—the colors of not making waves. These aren’t ugly colors. They’re the absence of a color decision, the visual equivalent of “whatever everyone else is doing is fine.”

People with low self-esteem often build entire environments in these tones. Beige walls, beige furniture, beige clothes. The effect is a life that looks pleasant enough but expresses nothing specific about the person living it. It’s camouflage for people who don’t believe their taste is worth asserting.

The psychology of environmental color choices shows that people who feel confident in their identity tend to make bolder decisions about their surroundings. They paint accent walls. They buy the chair in an unexpected color. They trust that their preferences matter enough to act on.

Defaulting to neutrals isn’t always about self-esteem—some people genuinely love minimalism, and that’s legitimate. But there’s a difference between choosing simplicity intentionally and choosing it because you don’t trust yourself to choose anything else.

3. Black (when used as armor, not expression)

This one requires nuance because black is complicated. As discussed in other contexts, black can signal confidence, sophistication, and strong identity. Plenty of self-assured people wear black almost exclusively.

But black also attracts people with low self-esteem for different reasons: it hides. Black is slimming. It doesn’t show stains. It recedes. For someone who feels uncomfortable in their body or uncertain about their presence, black can function as a way of minimizing themselves—taking up less visual space, avoiding scrutiny, disappearing into shadows.

The research on clothing and self-perception suggests that the same color can serve completely different psychological functions depending on why it’s chosen. Black worn as armor—protection against being seen—is different from black worn as statement.

If you wear black because you love how it looks and feels, that’s one thing. If you wear it because you’re hoping nobody will notice you, that’s information worth sitting with.

What these colors have in common

The thread connecting gray, beige, and defensive black isn’t that they’re bad colors. It’s that they’re safe colors—choices that minimize risk, avoid attention, and keep the wearer from standing out in ways that might invite judgment.

Low self-esteem fundamentally distorts risk assessment. Things that feel dangerous—wearing a bright color, expressing a preference, being visible—aren’t actually dangerous. But when you don’t believe you can handle criticism or attention, anything that might attract either feels threatening.

Color theorists note that people with healthy self-esteem don’t necessarily wear bold colors all the time, but they feel free to. They might choose gray because they like it, not because they’re hiding. The difference is in the felt sense of permission.

Colors that tend to indicate higher self-esteem

For contrast, research associates certain colors with greater confidence and self-worth. Reds, bright blues, and saturated colors generally correlate with people who feel comfortable taking up space. These colors demand attention, and wearing them requires believing you deserve that attention.

This doesn’t mean you need to suddenly dress like a tropical bird. But if you notice that your color choices consistently trend toward invisibility, experimenting with one brighter element might feel like useful data. How does it feel to be slightly more visible? Uncomfortable? Exciting? Both?

The goal isn’t performing confidence through clothing. It’s noticing whether your choices reflect genuine preference or protective instinct—and giving yourself permission to explore beyond what feels automatically safe.

The limits of color psychology

Before you audit your entire closet, some important caveats. Color preference research shows population-level trends, not individual diagnoses. Your love of gray might be aesthetic, cultural, practical, or simply habitual. Plenty of confident people wear neutrals; plenty of struggling people wear bright colors as overcompensation.

The psychology of self-expression is messier than any simple color-to-emotion mapping. Context matters enormously. A gray suit for a job interview means something different than a gray wardrobe for your entire life.

What’s useful isn’t treating color choice as a definitive signal, but as one data point among many. If you’re already wondering about your self-esteem and you notice you’ve surrounded yourself with colors designed to help you disappear—that’s worth considering. If you’re feeling fine and just happen to like beige, carry on.

Colors are one of the few things we choose every single day without thinking much about it. That’s exactly why they can reveal patterns we haven’t consciously examined.

The invitation here isn’t to pathologize your preferences or force yourself into colors that feel wrong. It’s to notice. To ask whether your choices are expressions of who you are or protections against being seen. Those are different things, and knowing which one is operating gives you options you didn’t have before.

Maybe you’ll discover you actually love gray and choose it with full intention. Or maybe you’ll realize you’ve been hiding in plain sight, and something brighter has been waiting for you to feel ready.