People In St. Louis Apparently Shred Their Bagels, And Twitter Is Calling 911

A tweet from St. Louis native Alek Krautmann is tearing the Internet apart, and for good reason.

Krautman shared a photo revealing the “secret” way St. Louis residents eat their Panera bagels—which, apparently, is sliced into cross-sections like loaves of bread. “Today I introduced my coworkers to the St Louis secret of ordering bagels bread sliced. It was a hit!” tweeted Krautmann Monday evening.

By the following morning, furious tweets from bagel aficionados around the country had flooded the replies under Krautman’s photo.

Not only does the sliced-bagel methodresult in irregularly sized pieces of bagel that render the hard outer shell meaningless and undetectable, it’s also one of those “eat less” hacks that actually causes you to eat more because you can’t accurately judge how much you’re eating.

Also worth mentioning is these god-forsaken bagels are from Panera Bread, which, as we recently learned, is one of several companies owned by two billionaires who staunchly supported Hitler and profited from the Nazi regime.

So I guess there’s no little irony in the comments accusing Krautmann of anti-semitism and blasphemy for the vertically-sliced bagels.

Folks were quick to call for Krautmann’s instant incarceration.

NYPD Chief of Detectives Dermot F. Shea said he would if he could.

This would never fly in New York! cried New Yorkers.

St. Louis, Twitter decided, is cancelled.

James Patterson, one of the world’s highest-paid writers, weighed in:

Dictionary.com, pop culture shade-thrower, also threw down.   

Also, this honestly feels less like innovation, and morelike a cheap way to feed a bunch of people—and fast, seeing as those sad, aerated slices of bagel must definitely go stale in double time.

The jokes quickly began to pour in as folks shared images of other types of food, “St. Louis style.”

This account dedicated an entire Twitter thread to imaginary “St. Louis style” meal combos.

https://twitter.com/melip0ne/status/1110954876564131840

Krautmann, on his end, doubled-down on the case for sliced bagels, explaining that they are “snackable and sharable,” and arguing “if you don’t get a bagel’s worth of various types you’re crazy” (no YOU’RE crazy).

He concluded his Q&A with this:

h/t Twitter