Kate Hackett
Pamela Chandler was sick of it. Sick of all the posts in her social feed that said “racism isn’t real,” that people were sick of the protests and don’t ALL lives matter.
She decided she wanted to open some eyes, so Pamela, who married a black man, shared a letter on Facebook.
She explained how racism has wormed its way into her family’s everyday lives.
Her post has since gone viral with over 124,000 reactions and 127,000 shares. Here is Pamela’s letter:
“So as a white woman married to a black man and raising a biracial child I’ve had to unlearn a lot of things. I’ve also had to LEARN twice as much. I’ve had to become aware and start to notice things my mind never would have before. My husband, Walter, and I were recently discussing these things and here’s a list of all the things we’ve encountered:”
“-I have to drive basically anytime we are leaving the Dayton area. We don’t talk about it each time, we just both know that if we are leaving our general “safe” area and heading to smaller town Ohio roads I’m the one driving.
-I have to handle store clerks, returns, getting documents signed, anything with any federal building or administrative work, I get further with any type of “paperwork” thing that needs handled, people listen to me and are much more agreeable than with him.”
“-The chances that we find a Black or Interracial couple on a greeting card are SLIM. Unless you want to give the same Black Couple card every year, which we have 🤣. There are hundreds of white couples to choose from though!
-My husband goes out of his way to be nice and talk to EVERYONE. Not because he’s a people person, but because he has learned that a 6’5 Black man intimidates people and so he overcompensates by being overly friendly so people won’t be afraid of him.”
“-If Walter is pushing the cart I always have to have my receipt ready when leaving the store.
-None of our neighbors thought we owned our home, multiple neighbors stopped my father and asked him if he was the new landlord for us. Because of course, the old white man must have purchased the home. Not only do we own our home, it’s fully paid off, we have no mortgage and we paid for it BY OURSELVES.”
“-It took us YEARS to find a church without racist undertones and low key racist members, YEARS!
-When doll shopping our daughter gets 25 white options and 1-2 black or mixed race doll options.
-The same people who stop us daily to say how adorable our daughter is, are the same people who would cross the street if Walter was walking alone.
-We avoid all places with confederate flags.”
“-If we go to Bob Evans (or any restaurant that caters to “seniors”) too early we are met with a lot of stares, the old racists eat between 4-5pm.
-When Walter goes to a playground with our daughter he constantly stays by her side, if not he gets stares and people wonder what the “big black man” is doing on the park bench.
-Walter is concerned our Black Lives Matter sign by the door will make us a target when he is not home so he asked me to remove it”
“Now this post isn’t to make people say “oh poor you, I’m so sorry” etc etc. we have a wonderful life and are thankful for it. But…changes need to happen. This is just a small glimpse into the intentional and unintentional racism that happens everywhere, all the time. I want a better world for our daughter so I’m happy that things are changing. I know a lot of you are tired of the protests and tired of the changes and tired of people complaining. Well I’m tired of having to find a different gas station when the one we drive by has two trucks with confederate flags and 6 white boys in sleeveless shirts standing around outside. I’m tired of my husband having to talk to everyone and never complain even when they mess up his order 10,000 times, I’m tired of driving Damn near everywhere, I’m tired of the sick feeling I get when a cop pulls behind us, I’m tired of having to worry anytime my husband has to work OT and leaves in the middle of the night, I’m tired and I’ve only been on this ride 7 years, imagine a lifetime of this!
-The Chandlers”
Pamela met her husband “seven years ago on Twitter,” as she told Bored Panda. “He retweeted something I wrote, we started talking and never stopped.”
Walter moved to Ohio from New York to marry Pamela a year later.
The post received so much attention that the Chandler family created a new blog, The Chandler Crew, so people all over the world can connect and follow the family.
“I’ve always known that we needed to work for more racial unity but I got an inside and unique perspective of what it’s like to live as a different race by being married to a black man,” Pamela said.
“I see society improving. People are willing to talk about it, engage, learn, and try to be better humans. I think we are all trending upwards as a society, and I think that’s great,” she continued.
Of course, she does cite that it is problematic that her experience as a white woman went viral when so many other “people of color have spoken to these issues many times.”
Regardless, the responses have been encouraging.
