Patricia Grisafi
Our world is unfortunately not a place where people are given equal opportunities.
We all need help, and sometimes certain folks get more help than others. Instead of being grateful, these people can become ungrateful and even judgmental of those who are in “lower” social positions.
For example, one Redditor with a wealthy girlfriend who had help getting into Harvard is struggling with recognizing how enabling this girlfriend’s privilege isn’t good for anyone.
There’s no reason for treating other people like garbage because you consider them beneath you — and some people need to take a good, hard look at their behavior and change it.
OP begins with a disclaimer, as they often to:
“I (27/f) have been with my girlfriend (26/f) for four years now but I have known her for longer and we are in a happy relationship. However she does sadly have a bad trait of disrespecting staff and people with lower income in general. Don’t get me wrong – she’s great, but that’s her flaw I guess,” the OP writes.
Then follows with the “But…”
“For the background – my girlfriend grew up rich, as her mother has a successful business and her father is a judge in an extremely high position. After she finished school, she wanted to study law just like her dad. Both her parents studied at Harvard and now had in general very good contacts to many people in charge there. When my girlfriend decided that she wanted to go to Harvard too, she made her parents pull some strings, which definitely contributed to her getting accepted after all. I wanna note, that I have absolutely no problem with this. If she gets the chance to go to the university of her dreams, why wouldn’t she take it? Now a little over two years ago, when it came to actually finding a job, writing applications and going to job interviews, she was very nervous about it and her dad pulled some strings again on court to make the process easier and less stressful for her which worked out excellent due to his good reputation and high position.”
“Now we have both finished university, got our careers going and moved in together. But lately when we were in the car, she started ranting again about how much it annoys her when people complain about the low pay they get since it’s ‘their fault’ that they were ‘too lazy’ to get a better job. Then I said ‘I don’t think you should judge other people’s situations as you don’t know their backstories and you gotta keep in mind that not everyone was as privileged as you.’ She gave me furious eyes and asked me what I meant. I explained that her parents definitely contributed to her success and that not everyone was as lucky as her. She began freaking out, claiming that I said that she was stupid and wouldn’t be anywhere in life without her parent’s help, even through I said nothing like that. I told her that I would never think of her as stupid and that it still takes a lot of work to get through university and get a good job, just that the jump there was easier for her than to some other. But now she hasn’t spoken with me for days and her friends also told me that I was an ass for ‘[destroying] her self conception’ and I feel bad because I really didn’t want to hurt her, so AITA?”
Sometimes people need a reality check. What do Redditors think?
“NTA. I would share something from one of my favorite authors, though – A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. — Dave Barry,” quoted wizard10000.
“I question Op’s judgement if she thinks her gf is still great after pulling this type of behavior. Op was insightful with calling out her privilege then she acts a fool by justifying gf’s awful behavior with wait staff,” noted hello_friendss.
“ESH. She’s the asshole for being deliberately entitled, classist, and clueless. You’re the A for dismissing it as her ‘flaw.’ That’s not a ‘flaw.’ A flaw is throwing your socks next to the hamper instead of in it. Being a classist bigot is…an irredeemable character issue,” explained Euphoric-Round-5182.
“NTA. No one likes being called on their privilege, and if you addressed it as gently as you describe here, that’s the NICEST anyone is ever going to be about her parents’ helping her succeed. She’s probably dealing with some imposter syndrome – hence her lashing out and saying you’re calling her stupid and etc. that’s something she either believes of herself or is afraid everyone else does,” suggested foxensfancy.
“Your gf can never be a truly good person until she understands this and learns empathy toward her fellow humans,” said GreekAmericanDom.
Featured Image: Pexels
