Kate Hackett
A mother and wife recently shared a rant on TikTok about how her husband was leaving to go on a hunting trip and saddling her with all the household management. That video went viral and then fellow TikToker, Laura Danger, aka ThatDarnChat, replied with a follow-up video explaining how often women are tasked with the majority of domestic labor in their homes.
It sucks!
Laura initially shared the part of the video of the first woman complaining about her husband heading off for the hunting trip. This woman said:
Wife: “You’re leaving for hunting today, so what does that mean for me? What does it mean for me that you’re leaving for hunting today for 10 days? That means that all of the laundry is just shoved everywhere so you can send free your stuff. So now I have to pick up all this mess. What else does that mean? That means for the next 10 days, I have to take care of everything: chores, house, school, kids, work, cross country, you name it. So I hope you have a super good trip.”
Laura explains that she found the video because her followers shared it with her.
“Got tagged in that one a couple of days ago. But watch…”
The original wife tried to talk to her husband about why she was upset:
Husband: I couldn’t hear you.
Wife: I said, our brains think differently. So right now, as I’m putting towels away, about to go to my job, I’m thinking, what are the kids going to have for cold lunch tomorrow, on their first day of school? Then my brain says we don’t have bread. Then my brain says, I don’t know when I’m gonna get bread.
Because I literally work nonstop until 3:30, then I have cross country till 4:30. Then I have course lessons until 7:30. When am I going to get lunch stuff? So I’m thinking right now, like literally 24 hours in advance: ‘I’m gonna go get bread’, you’re thinking about like five minutes from now.
Laura showed us how very common this is, citing studies on the topic.
She said, “On average, women are doing two and a half times the amount of domestic labor at home than their male counterparts. They’re also doing different types of things. My mom always referred to herself as a domestic engineer. And that’s exactly what she was. Navigating how you’re going to fit all of the pieces of your life together to build something nice for your kids, for you and your partner. It’s work. It’s hard, it’s grueling. It takes up space in your brain.”
Laura noted, “And it costs us a lot. About half of American households are dual income. Yet still women are doing more domestic labor at home and they’re doing the navigating, the engineering, and the planning, the anticipating of family needs. And earning more does not mean women are doing less. It’s the opposite.”
Laura showed a list of all the tasks it takes to run a home.
Take a second look at this. These are all of the tasks that it takes to run a household. It’s from the Fair Play deck. I am a certified Fair Play facilitator.
Does that look like a lot? IT IS. So Laura encourages women to advocate for themselves.
“Carrying the mental load for your family is costing you somewhere — your career, your partnership, your wellness, your sense of self. Where is it costing you? If you have ever told yourself it’s just easier if I do it myself, it’s not. It’s costing you, it’s taking away from you. Your needs are worth advocating for, your rage IS justified. If you related to her video, start saying ‘no’. Also, get these books. You better frickin’ do it.”
