It’s that time of the week again, folks. Your work day is coming to a close and the sweet freedom of the weekend is only a few hours away. To celebrate, we’ve collected all of the funniest tweets by women this week for your enjoyment. So, sit back, relax and try not to pee your pants after reading these hilarious jokes.
beyond thrilled to announce that i am going to bed!!!
— kelly (@kelllicopter) April 3, 2019
there's a Backstreet Boy with a son old enough to also be a Backstreet Boy so i guess it's time i start using an eye serum
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 3, 2019
I would like to think money won’t change me, but I found $5 in the pocket of my spring coat and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 2, 2019
i hope all my exes appreciate how easy it is to check up on me online, i put a lot of time and effort into oversharing every aspect of my life on here and i’d hate for it to go to waste
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) April 3, 2019
How to get a boyfriend as told by a kindergartner:
“well you just get a best friend that’s a boy then you love him so much he turns into your boyfriend! It’s really easy Ms. Lockwood”
— anna (@anna__estelle) October 22, 2018
If I had a dollar for every time I hit a curb I’d have like 27 dollars which isn’t a lot of money but is a lot of times to hit a curb
— Bailey (@baybaydayday) October 18, 2018
Just threw my phone across the room bc it took more than 4 seconds for an image to load, how did we survive 1997
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 4, 2019
nordstrom rack: hey do you need some $30 jeans
me: nah i’m good
nordstrom rack: what if they also fit weird
me: i’m listening
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 3, 2019
When I empty the dishwasher I do it really loudly, that way my entire family knows when I’m doing God’s work.
— Just J (@junejuly12) April 4, 2019
i am not making “bad life choices” i am taking “big artistic swings”
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) April 5, 2019
i stay not drinking enough water to maintain the possibility that “drink more water” will fix all my problems
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 2, 2019
currently sitting in a cafe and *writing
*texting everyone from my past
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) April 3, 2019
h/t Huff Post