Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been a retweet of some of the best tweets from long ago. Either way, these were the 15 funniest tweets of the week.
ME: do dogs think we have three mouths because we pick stuff up with our hands?
VET: where exactly is your dog
ME: he’s uh coming later
— Melican (@MelKassel) January 18, 2016
No parenting book can prepare you for the first time your child describes their formless Lego creation in painstaking detail.
— Manda LikeCatsOK? (@Manda_like_wine) April 6, 2016
facebook is a wild place i jus got done laughing @ a picture n next thing i see a vid of a homeless dog wit no legs or head
— Brian Imanuel (@RichChigga) April 5, 2016
Kim K’s phone
📂 My Pictures
└📂 Me 978.6 GB
└📂 Kanye 32.2 MB
└📂 north 24.1 MB
└📂 the other one 256 KB
— FRO VO (@fro_vo) April 5, 2016
HER: it’s over between us
ME: is it because of all my embroidery puns?
HER: I thought you would stop
ME: sew it seamed
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 4, 2016
*Tries to pet the K-9 unit dogs while I’m hiding from them under a car in a parking lot*
— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) April 3, 2016
What I like about whiskey is that it makes me feel like I have a space heater inside me and a Disneyland outside me
— Gwen (@msgwenl) April 2, 2016
Folks this election has gone…to the dogs! This took me like 45 minutes. pic.twitter.com/H08dqSdq9G
— Jerry Beans (@dogboner) April 2, 2016
a father took a picture of his son everyday for 20 years & it turned into something beautiful pic.twitter.com/HeNpZyKWSf
— ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (@LaziestCanine) April 1, 2016
Shit. Fuck! Don’t look now, but there’s a fuckin’ ambulance right behind us. FUCK! Okay, everyone act healthy…
— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) April 1, 2016
— Broke and Sad (@matt___nelson) April 1, 2016
Maybe She Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You: A Bro’s Guide to Waitresses
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) April 1, 2016
[son comes running into our room]
“Dad, there’s a monster in my room!”
Look, Marky, what-
Right, Mikey. What makes u think I care?
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) March 31, 2016
Cooking spinach pic.twitter.com/FqLdJrXQFM
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) March 31, 2016
— ashley (@ashvlntn) March 31, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.