Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Either way, these were 15 of the funniest tweets we saw this week.
KID IN PARK [crying] I dunno where my mum’s gone to
WIFE:Talk to him
M: Hey listen *kneels* don’t end a sentence with a preposition
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 5, 2016
Vocalist: HELLOOO YOUR TOWWNN
Crowd: OMG THATS WHERE I LIVE FUCK YEAHHHH
Vocalst: YOU GUYS ARE BETTER THAN TOWN 100 MILES AWAY
— Rollman (@Rollmaninoz) October 22, 2015
Eminem looks terrible pic.twitter.com/DJCCCfA6TU
— Lindsay Goldwert (@lindsaygoldwert) October 4, 2016
DAY 1: Stranded on an unknown island with Sting
DAY 2: We’re having sex
DAY 5: Still sex
DAY 12: More sex
DAY 30: Tired & sad from Sting sex
— (((Michael))) (@Home_Halfway) October 4, 2016
[ME] i’m gonna try not to tweet as much. get some real projects of the ground
[ME, AN HOUR LATER] time travioli. the time traveling ravioli
— smash mouth all star (@pillowfort) October 4, 2016
the saddest part about self driving cars will be all the times people die mid trip and then ur dinner guests or pizza guy will arrive dead
— beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) June 30, 2016
ME: Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder?
HER: Let me guess, he made a spectacle of himself?
ME: No. He died.
— Dave Cactus (@dave_cactus) October 4, 2016
DR.: you’re going to feel a little bit of pressure. Ready?
DR.: your sister is younger but already has a career path & owns her home
— The Pan-Midwesterner (@panmidwest) October 4, 2016
J: Wherefore art thou Romeo?
R: I am here
J: “Wherefore” means “Why” as in, “Why do you have to be a Montague?”
R: You should just say “Why”
— Todd ‘Papi’ Skullos (@TheToddWilliams) October 4, 2016
CATERPILLAR: *ejaculates all over itself* well, I guess I’ll just sleep in this until I’m beautiful
— OneTrickOrTreatfani (@OneTrickTofani) October 3, 2016
Millennial Horror Movies:
-Night of the woke af dead
-Texas 2chainz massacre
-The hills don’t have Netflix
— Boog (@BoogTweets) October 1, 2016
Uber is great because it gives me an opportunity to talk down to people that have nicer cars than me.
— Robot Eats Ice Cream (@MichaelLarrick) September 23, 2016
my professor brought his dog to class this morning I cried pic.twitter.com/297cyeOYjU
— Josh Pikus (@OhItIsJosh) October 4, 2016
to me it’s racist that people even notice that luke cage is black. i’m extremely wolk. is it wolk or woke
— everett byram (@rad_milk) October 5, 2016
[me as a poltergeist]
*filling a whole loaf of bread with just the end bits* ooooOooOooooo
— trojanspiced (@trojansauce) July 20, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.