Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Either way, these were 15 of the funniest tweets we saw this week.
genie: “thats definitely your last wish?”
me: [smiles at my wife in wheelchair] “yes”
genie: “ok”
our dog: “how can i talk all of a sudden?”— k e e t (@KeetPotato) January 29, 2016
Plz don’t make me find drugs today woof pic.twitter.com/iO32tcC5UT
— Max Dylan AshKetchem (@mynameisntdave) September 28, 2016
Cop: seen anything unusual?
Me: a dolphin with a hat once
Cop: I mean around here
Me: nah they live in water
— martin (@randomapeig) September 26, 2016
me: I’ve decided I don’t wanna get married
dad: thank god
mom: WHAT
me: but I want u to throw me a $30,000 party
mom: thank god
dad: WHAT— paperwarsh© (@PaperWash) September 24, 2016
“barack please don’t leave me with them”
“joe you’re leaving when I leave”
“oh right lmao love u” pic.twitter.com/zfIt3Bv0wl— heather (@witchyvibe) September 27, 2016
You know you’re on drugs when you’re talking to your kids about drugs and you don’t have any kids.
— Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) September 23, 2016
Brenda we should think seriously about getting a divorce
Siri: Here’s what I found on Getting a horse
NO SIRI… save those results tho
— Josh Beck (@jshbck) September 21, 2016
🎶Welcome to the jungle
We’ve got lots of trees
We’ve got everything you want
If that thing is trees🎶— Jack The Jew (@okimstillhungry) September 20, 2016
[eating an apple]
“i’m gonna live forever”
— Jacob Swift (@Jacob_Swift16) September 28, 2016
How I Think Electricity Works: magic
How Electricity Actually Works: if I knew that I wouldn’t have written ‘magic’ above— Matt Shirley (@mattsurely) September 28, 2016
[on phone]
Matthew McConaughey: talk again soon
Andre 3000: alright
MM: alright alright alright
A 3k:alright alright alright alright alright— mo (@chuuew) September 9, 2016
“The key to a well-balanced asset portfolio,” I explain, stacking my animal crackers by species, “is diversification.”
— batkaren (@batkaren) September 20, 2016
did…did he make the sign? pic.twitter.com/XXmuHfTIoA
— MAX IM A KOOPA (@meakoopa) September 22, 2016
I think you’re a gnome now
Shouldn’t’ve disturbed that evil witch we found
I think you’re a gnome now
In a pointy hat standing on the ground— Jess (@jessokfine) September 21, 2016
Rihanna: Ok let’s write this song. what else rhymes with “work”?
Drake: i wouldn’t worry about it— Elvish Presley (@_ElvishPresley_) September 13, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.
