The wonderful (and horrible) thing about the internet is that it lets everyone have an opinion on everything and express that opinion for millions of others to agree with, angrily denounce, or simply ignore. And while most tweets aren’t worth the pixels they’re displayed on some surprise us and make us think jarring, whimsical thoughts.
In that vein, a genre of tweets has emerged that jokingly wonders about “the guy who invented (blank)” and what was generally going through the minds of those who pioneered everyday things we take for granted. Like the first guy to ever milk a cow…what was that guy like?
Much like the beloved “[god inventing animals]” joke format, the tweets lend themselves to surprising and hilarious musings.
Here are some of the best ones we found.
who invented numbers. like they literally just made some shit up and everybody was like ok sounds good
— Beans After Dark (@goodbeanalt) November 7, 2019
“What if I tried to put a ball somewhere and you tried to stop me”
-guy who invented sports
— steve suckington (@SteveSuckington) December 1, 2015
THE GUY WHO INVENTED FIREWORKS: i’m gonna kill god.
— will (@fuckmarrywill) July 4, 2019
GUY WHO INVENTED STEW:
I wish this plate of meat & vegetables was damp.
— Gwen 🔙🔛🔝🔜 (@msgwenl) January 14, 2019
[guy inventing licorice]
what if you could eat a tire?
— Rock (@TheCensoredRock) September 5, 2019
Guy, inventing Peeps: What if I could make a marshmallow worse somehow?
— Ricki Medium Bad Ass Tarr (@ShootyDoody) April 4, 2019
[guy who’s about to invent parties]
*drinking alone* i wish this was worse
— conscious robot (@robots_feel) January 6, 2020
guy inventing the denim jacket: i can’t wait to hug people with my pants
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) December 23, 2018
okay a little bear that looks like it hasn’t slept in DAYS and it thinks it’s lady macbeth
-guy inventing raccoons (are we still doing this)
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) January 10, 2017
guy who invented the hokey pokey: you put your right foot in
his party guest: okay
gwithp: you take your right foot out
hpg: go off
gwithp: you put your right foot in
hpg: stop I’m screaming
gwithp: and you shake it all about
hpg: you’re fucking kidding me
— ᴄᴀʟᴇʙ ʜᴇᴀʀᴏɴ (@calebsaysthings) October 21, 2019