Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite very funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the best tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
me: we should be chill during this conversation
my brain: throw in the word ‘thang’ for no reason at all— Caitlin (@caithuls) June 20, 2018
[At zoo]
ME: *trying to open my umbrella*
FLAMINGO: [squeals]
ME: *smack* shhh, bad umbrella
— inkedupandsonic (@sonictyrant) June 19, 2018
Date: so you were married twice before?
Me: yes
Date: any kids
Me: no they were both adults
— Boog (@BoogTweets) June 17, 2018
[first glass of wine]
mmm nice. let’s listen to jazz[second glass of wine]
*struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) August 6, 2017
one of my dad’s fave bits is i’ll say i’m seeing a friend & he’ll ask if i mean a celebrity. like i’ll say i’m gettin drinks w katie & he’ll say “katie holmes????” & i’ll be like no— & he’ll say “oh, katie couric.” this bit can last upwards of 5 mins if u aren’t careful
— isabelle (@wineboxbaby) June 18, 2018
Any party is a gender reveal party if you give me enough rum
— Michael 🕶 (@Home_Halfway) June 17, 2018
I like eating Salt and Vinegar chips because it hurts a little and I feel like I deserve that for choosing to eat chips
— tragic ally (@TragicAllyHere) June 13, 2018
Waiter: and for you?
Me: *after rehearsing in my head for 15 minutes* the chimney changas
— Ally Gator 🐊 (@notacroc) June 15, 2018
so they just have a fuckload of spiders pic.twitter.com/roI9WRySlp
— Jake Currie (@jakecurrie) June 12, 2018
[Movie theater]
Date: did you sneak in Goldfish like I asked?
Me: yup *reaches into coat pocket* uh oh
Date: did you forget?
Me: no but they stopped movin
— your bff alex (@psybermonkey) June 18, 2018
[first time trying standup]
Me: So, I was talking to a friend recen-
*from the back* LOL YEAH RIGHT
Me: Please, mom, not now
— Not Sara (@smithsara79) June 20, 2018
DICKENS: I’ve got writers block… I’ll have a martini, Bob.
BARTENDER: Olive or twist?
DICKENS: *looks into camera*
— Bell Pupper (@BellPupper) December 9, 2017
Ducks are not impressed when you put two Pringles in you mouth and pretend you’re one of them. FYI
— Drew (@dmc1138) June 13, 2018
I’m sorry but this seems like terrible advice. pic.twitter.com/EdCzrrtegg
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) June 20, 2018
me: hey how much for the dinosaur
guide: that’s a giraffe
me: how much
guide: the animals aren’t for sale
me: ok gimme two of these giant broccolis how much
guide: those are trees
me: [sighs] how much
— Olly iConic (@Chumpstring) June 17, 2018
Oh come on, you know you want even more hilarious tweets.
