Aimeé
The corporate world is baffling to me, as someone who has never managed to have a corporate job, but the culture there is so pervasive that many of the ways we professionally communicate are direct from the handbook. Culture writer Delia Paunescu made the observation on Twitter that there are a lot of language ticks and phrases that people use in emails to soften what they’re really trying to say. She wrote:
i’ve recently become obsessed with all the insane corporate ways we say normal things to each other. “I’m a little confused” is by far my favorite – it’s absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry.
Then she asked her followers, “What are some of your best/most insufferable work gibberish phrases?”
i’ve recently become obsessed with all the insane corporate ways we say normal things to each other.
“I’m a little confused” is by far my favorite – it’s absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry.
what are some of your best/most insufferable work gibberish phrases?
— delia paunescu (@delia_p) January 29, 2020
There are so, so many responses, and even without the job context, I understood the meaning behind so many of these polite and formal words. It’s basically how you tell someone you’re going to choke them out if they don’t give you the work/money/time/response that they should. Or that you’re going to get choked out—these emails go both ways. Read below and rediscover corporate speak.
1.
“We’ll table that for now” and “let’s sidebar” are fun ways to get shut down in a group chat
— Aoife “Fe” Baker 🦕🐯🧠🌈 (@vivaciousvandal) January 29, 2020
2.
Thank you for your comments, I am just trying to ascertain what happened here and how we can progress on this.
— Natalie’Zorah (@TerraSirena) January 29, 2020
3.
Stealing from somewhere but it’s true: “I hope this helps!”=never ask me for anything ever again
— Lala Escargot, collector of curses 🎉 (@guitarpsichord) January 29, 2020
4.
“the ways in which you have messed up are so vast, i need to make a list”
— delia paunescu (@delia_p) January 29, 2020
5.
I have nightmares about hearing “Team, let’s make sure we’re all aligned.”
— Samantha Rosen (@samantharosen_) January 29, 2020
6.
“Sorry, I was on mute.” – I have no interest in this meeting whatsoever.
— AT&T (@ATT) January 29, 2020
7.
That sits outside of my functional area.
— Dina Fierro (@dinafierro_) January 29, 2020
8.
“Let’s touch base”
— Steve Saldivar (@stevesaldivar) January 29, 2020
9.
I work in accounting/consulting world. I’ve got no choice. I’m constantly criticized for being “too direct.” There are just too many narcissistically fragile psyches.
— Heather L Rasmussen (@HeberrL) January 30, 2020
10.
“I’m balancing a lot this week” = “Just a quick reminder that I’m not your employee.”
— David Gibb (@DaveWritesJunk) January 29, 2020
