Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been a retweet of one of the best tweets from long ago. Either way, these were the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
ME: Excuse me, could you ask the pilot when we’ll be landing?
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: One second sir.
ME: Wow, that’s really fast.
— Todd O’Papi Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 15, 2016
[wakes up with a hangover] uhh what happened last night
[Carrot Top in bed beside me] Good morning
[Me] Carrot Top my love, what happened
— Rad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) March 11, 2016
I love Urban Outfitters new campaign pic.twitter.com/1DGKQfnYup
— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) March 11, 2016
got a bag full of bernie merch pic.twitter.com/GpsYOuPEYV
— everett byram (@rad_milk) March 11, 2016
What came first–the bartender wiping down the bar or the beginning of an improv scene?
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 10, 2016
What I like about writing is that it’s so exciting to develop a great idea and watch it grow and evolve into an utter piece of garbage.
— Gwen (@msgwenl) March 10, 2016
Who the hell named it a Walrus?
Surely ‘Aquatic Dracula’ or ‘Sabre Toothed Water Sausage’ is far more accurate… pic.twitter.com/4wxg0laKAh
— GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) March 16, 2016
I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do
— Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) March 15, 2016
Oh good, a man without sleeves. Let’s ask his political opinion
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) March 11, 2016
SPIDERMAN: I fight crime with my spider powers
BATMAN: I am a bat-like vigilante
CATWOMAN: [Googling furiously] What THE FUCK is a catwo?
— Mat (@MatCro) February 26, 2016
I mean, Trump isn’t THAT bad. At least he *looks down at clipboard* hasn’t taken my clipboard
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 16, 2016
Work tip: if you put googly eyes and your suit jacket on the office water cooler you can go home after lunch and no one will know
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) March 14, 2016
Past elections: Which candidate will most improve our country?
2016 election: Which candidate is least likely to start The Purge?
— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 13, 2016
Finally, some good news pic.twitter.com/ov1AV1iXUC
— Nessa (@nessadinneen) March 10, 2016
Day 1: injected self with mouse DNA
Day 2: ate 12 blocks of cheese
Day 3: 15 blocks
Day 4: experiment is failure; no observable changes
— Termite Awareness (@therealeatwood) March 16, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.