16.
https://twitter.com/lilmommylizz/status/1141375720800870401
17.
https://twitter.com/melissaandoval_/status/1138606070589296640
18.
one of our team members handed in their notice like this 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/tqc9Hn6ODE
— han 🎀 (@bitchitshan) June 27, 2019
19.
In conclusion : I’m an idiot pic.twitter.com/H08bpvYouS
— abi (@skkaregay) June 15, 2019
20.
"I can't, too busy":
– no one believes you
– tired
– allows for future invitations"I can't. Not since the accident"
– mysterious
– fresh
– prevents future invitations— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) June 15, 2019
21.
take a minute to appreciate what I just saw on the road. pic.twitter.com/jjHPs78VWe
— out of shape Clark Kent (@rugged_chungus) June 15, 2019
22.
Every Father’s Day I think about the time I jokingly asked my 4 year-old daughter if she was going to get me a “World's Best Dad” mug. “Nope,” she said gravely. “I haven’t met all the dads in the world.”
— RM (@dorsalstream) June 16, 2019
23.
protip: the best way to remember something is to keep it in an open tab forever
— Yuri Victor 🖤 (@yurivictor) June 17, 2019
24.
https://twitter.com/vvitchymama/status/1140069829568794625
25.
interviewer: you have a 3 year gap on your resume that just says “vengeance”
me:
interviewer:
me: you don’t remember me do you?
— Conajam (@conajam) June 14, 2019
26.
Being the older sister is such a stressful thing like one minute I’m parenting then the next I’m helping my sister do shit she’s not supposed to be doin just because I want her to have fun & enjoy her youth
— J (@Juliana_serna04) June 17, 2019
27.
[during sex]
Me: hurt me
Him: your metabolism isn’t what it was in high school and it shows
Me: wait
Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything you’re bad at because you’re afraid of failure
— Slutty but Seasonal 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) June 19, 2019
28.
There are two kinds of people in this world: People who carry gum and people who always ask other people for gum.
— Krystie Lee Yandoli (@KrystieLYandoli) June 19, 2019
29.
Me explaining to ⠀ ⠀ ⠀My cat
my cat that I ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀pretending
won’t tell anyone ⠀⠀ ⠀he cant speak
if he can speak pic.twitter.com/X7PHTuEXZ9— 𝖕𝖆𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖔 (@PabloPiqasso) June 17, 2019
30.
Him: Did you adopt your dog?
Me: No, he's my biological dog.— Goats? (@Gooooats) June 19, 2019