Hey, we’re you’re secret Santa this year. Sorry to blow the secret, but we got you a gift! It’s a bunch of funny tweets by women, so you KNOW we didn’t go over the $20 limit. But hey, it’s better than a $20 Best Buy giftcard, what can you even buy with that? Part of a pair of headphones? A tiny portion of a plasma screen? Two $10 gift cards? Pffft. These are MUCH better gifts, so go ahead and unwrap them by scrolling and have a holly jolly Christmas.
1.
Adam Driver is like if you moved Baumbach from 11 to 18 font https://t.co/IBPqAENvbA
— Shelley Farmer (@ShelleyBFarmer) December 19, 2019
2.
how many miles do you think we’ve all scrolled this year
— Delia Cai (@delia_cai) December 17, 2019
3.
THIS LITTLE GIRL I’M BABYSITTING JUST ASKED ME IF I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I SAID NOT ANYMORE AND SHE SAID “BOYFRIENDS ARE A WASTE OF TIME” AND THEN SHE TURNS TO HER BROTHER AND TELLS HIM “YOU’RE GONNA BE A WASTE OF TIME”
— madison (@itsmadimay) December 15, 2019
4.
By far the absolute highlight of my trip so far is finding a Christian bookshop (I wish I was kidding) called Cum Books pic.twitter.com/6B3WN2nZzy
— Isla (@islawhat) December 15, 2019
5.
My mom asked me to help her decorate christmas cookies pic.twitter.com/ZXGe76HuBC
— ♝ ♝ (@aalexandriabish) December 19, 2019
6.
I hope when I die they bury me alongside all my open Chrome tabs, like Tutankhamun among his treasures
— A Christmas Pjörk (@NicoleConlan) December 19, 2019
7.
anxiety: aren’t you like…worried?
me: about what?
anxiety: i don’t know
me: oh my god you’re right, thanks for reminding me
— ♡ (@IovelyAna) December 15, 2019
8.
when i’m having a great time at dinner but remember the weird way i pronounced “bolognese” when ordering pic.twitter.com/xAQS5yIHKV
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) December 16, 2019
9.
call me old fashioned but i believe marriage should be between one dog in a sweater and another dog in a matching sweater
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) December 19, 2019
10.
So the cats movie is just a recap of my 2019? https://t.co/BC7VZe1C0X
— nicole byer (@nicolebyer) December 20, 2019