Max
— Flynngle All the Way (@bryne) December 13, 2016
i voted for Trump based on a single issue and that’s because I think that you should be able to bring a gun into a museum & shoot the art
— Mike (@MikeOdenthal) December 28, 2016
my nephew walked into the room eating a raw hotdog he got out of the garage fridge so let’s not write off 2016 quite yet
— Meth Lab for Cutie (@kiralc) July 19, 2016
— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) May 21, 2016
Google Search:
-Where do I find flying squirrels
-Can I make a flying squirrel
-Squirrel cannon
-Window repair
-Repairing a broken marriage— The Pale Space Rider (@truegritrumble) September 17, 2016
Trump has written a lot of books about business—but they all seem to end at Chapter 11.
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 21, 2016
asking for a friend pic.twitter.com/AAJtJSFpyX
— tinybaby (@tinybaby) August 20, 2016
“I don’t trust Muslims, they have some funny beliefs and customs,” he said while dragging a pine tree into his living room for some reason
— ♡ brian essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) November 26, 2016
Why does the couple at the beginning of a scary movie always have to be happy & sexy why can’t it be like, Pat & Deb, 56 & 54, IBS sufferers
— umami skeleton (@Merman_Melville) August 6, 2016
KID IN THE 1800s: I will sweep your chimney if it helps feed my family
KID IN THE 2000s: I’m not eating this apple because it is bruised
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) September 15, 2016
Bradley Cooper done f***ed up @Deadspin pic.twitter.com/rFawbq62l6
— Andrew Lentz (@LentzManCometh) July 10, 2016
So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said “I have a boyfriend” ok lettuce head
— Benton C. Olson (@Bentono10) September 14, 2016
WOLVERINE’S DAD: Son do you know why I named you Wolverine
WOLVERINE: No, father
WOLVERINE’S DAD: It is because my name is Wolverine’s Dad— The Baby Daniel (@AnnDabromowitz) December 4, 2016
How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
— Kendra Gaylord (@kendragaylord) April 27, 2016
A wacky inflatable tube man crying but still waving his arms as he identifies his wife’s body
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) August 9, 2016
he stepped in my fucking highlighter pic.twitter.com/3jDkcg3swz
— vamp (@bethxnyvaldes) July 14, 2016
Here is a list of things that are invisible:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)— Flora Flora (@Flora__Flora) October 12, 2016
I’m pretty sure these Trump spokesmen are all just Trump in Nutty Professor makeup. pic.twitter.com/ihxzPvVaLZ
— Brendan McDonald (@ProducerMcD) June 30, 2016
Taco guy: guac costs extra
Obi Wan: [wafts hand] guac is free
Taco Guy: guac is free…
Anakin: why’d u even pay for the taco?
Obi Wan: dammit— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) July 25, 2016
IMPROV PERFORMER: I need a suggestion.
PERSON (from the back) BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER!
IP: Okay, someone that’s not my wife.— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 16, 2016
we tend to look past the fact the happy birthday song was probably written by someone who forgot a gift & came up with that song on the spot
— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) September 6, 2016
Me: I won’t make it. Go on without me.
Her: It’s a toe cramp
M: But I’m covered in some kind of clear blood
H: That’s sweat
M: Tell my story— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) October 11, 2016
Whenever I feel sad I remember that Jackie Chan once posted this on his official Facebook page. pic.twitter.com/qjFBwtuS6N
— Karl Smallwood (@KarlSmallwood) July 6, 2016
airports at 5am are like a weird dream. you buy a water and some almonds and hear “that’ll be $17.80” then a boy heelies out of the bathroom
— Nick Robinson (@Babylonian) October 8, 2016
Cornholio? I haven’t heard that name in years… pic.twitter.com/BPM2zO0j8r
— Ollie Garch (@ojedge) August 8, 2016
