Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the best tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
[first lumberjack meeting]
Guy 1: “What should we yell when we cut down a tree?”
Guy 2: “Clear the way?”
Guy 3: “The tree is falling now!”
Tim Burr: “I have an idea…”
— NOVS (@novixv) November 22, 2017
Stephen King: can u pitch my story to yr producer friend?
Sean Connery: yesh
King: don’t fuck this up, it’s called the sawsank redempsion— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) November 4, 2017
ANGEL: Okay, all done with the 6 Deadly Sins
GOD: Wait *pointing at a sloth*
SLOTH: *waves*
GOD: Don’t you just fucking hate that thing
— Ponk™ (@P_o_n_k) October 29, 2017
sad day today because:
1. my fish in the aquarium is missing.
2. my cat won’t eat his dinner.— Tacosaurus Wrecksmas (@aksorojas) November 28, 2017
Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
— Probability The Rapper (@random_weighs) November 25, 2017
Notice. How. A. Period. After. Every. Word. Makes. Me. Look. Deadly. Serious. About. Gumdrops.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 22, 2017
Him: how old are you?
Me: *holding up fingers* this many
Him: *frightened* t-twenty five?
— Kal (@captainkalvis) November 27, 2017
If marijuana is the devil’s lettuce, then what’s the lettuce of angels? Iceberg? Try telling that to the victims of the Titanic who died.
— Garry Anderson (@Garry2Funny) November 1, 2017
JUDGE: how do you plead?
ME: not guilty, your honor. I killed this man in self-defense, after he took a screenshot of a video where I was making a weird face and then he sent it to people
JUDGE: wow you are free to go and tbh I hope that guy is in hell— Ash (@adult_mom) November 28, 2017
CINDERELLA: my parents r dead
FAIRYGODMOTHER:
CINDERELLA: im being abused
FAIRYGODMOTHER:
CINDERELLA: i need a new outfit
FAIRYGODMOTHER: hi— Call me Lizmael. (@lizzzzzielogan) January 8, 2017
Ah yes, love to get spicy political takes from the back of a matte black murder van pic.twitter.com/aE3B0upYwF
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) October 31, 2017
Sorry I missed your call earlier today. I was sitting on the couch with the phone in my hand watching it ring
— dak (@daplusk) November 28, 2017
what if every time you peeled a banana it screamed the whole time you were peeling it? just something to think about.
— liv. “happy” birthday liv. (@liv_thatsme) November 26, 2017
just heard a man yell “NOT TODAY, JASON” at his dog
— andrew wallace chamings (@AndrewChamings) November 28, 2017
For a good time go up to strangers and mistake them for unattractive celebrities.
— Lord Goomba (@ObscureGent) November 1, 2017
Before you go, you should probably check out these very funny tweets from last week.
