Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of very funny tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this extra special dose of 15 of the funniest tweets we saw this week that are surprisingly entirely Trump-free.
Age 20: what movie should we go to
Age 30: what movie should we watch
Age 40: what movie should we fall asleep to after 10 minutes
— Fro Vo (@fro_vo) July 29, 2017
M: [trying not to swear in front of kid] SON OF A BACKSTREET BOY
Kid: what’s a backstreet boy?
M: are you fucking kidding me??!!
— dorothy on peyote (@hellohappy_time) August 2, 2017
Had no clue Netflix went to grad school, too. pic.twitter.com/Un5TgKSsBj
— Toby Herman (@tobyherman27) August 1, 2017
[being interviewed after losing beatboxing battle] were you just saying “p-p-p-pulled pork sandwiches” over and over?
— madds (@whatmaddness) August 1, 2017
I like the phrase “I wasn’t born yesterday” because it emphasizes the fact that babies are stupid.
— Gia Pennacchia (@GiaPennacchia) July 31, 2017
me: [grabbing my mail]
neighbor who does crossfit: try doing that while pulling a 45lb weight & stay hydrated also how many carbs did you-
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) July 29, 2017
Is this like when u see someone yawn pic.twitter.com/hucjbFZwIn
— Tanks (@Burger_Time_) August 1, 2017
Me: I have a suspicious mole on my arm
Doc: let’s take a look
Mole: and where were you last night? Don’t say Dan’s I spoke to his wife…
— GPoss (@gogglepossum) July 26, 2017
(uses ouija board to talk to dad who died in 1999)
“W…A…A…Z…Z…Z…Z…Z…Z…Z…Z…A…A…A…A…A…A…A…A…A…A…— Elvish Presley (@_ElvishPresley_) July 27, 2017
Trying to siphon gas out of a car for the first time. How much do I have to drink before I put the hose in the can?
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) August 1, 2017
Aw look how quickly they made up. We have much to learn from Getty Images. pic.twitter.com/zSBskkDEtL
— Rebecca Hendin (@HendinArts) July 27, 2017
ME: people only use 10% of their brains
FRIEND: that’s an urban legend
ME: no it’s not. my grandma told it to me, and she lives on a farm
— The Hype (@TheHyyyype) August 2, 2017
standards in your 20s vs standards in your 30s pic.twitter.com/6xJWYEjIbh
— David (@DiscreetLatino) July 27, 2017
[bakery]
Robber: Give me all of your bread
Baker: *starts emptying the register*
Robber: Oh yeah, good idea, give me all your money too
— Jane Cactus (@AtticusFinch79) July 8, 2017
Welcome to America where people compete on cooking shows hosted by guy fieri to pay their kids medical bills
— Jess (@jessokfine) August 1, 2017
If you need even more, you can check out these very funny tweets from last week.
